NFL Week 6 Shit Rankings
After watching Sunday Night Football, I think it’s time to start a “Shitty Games of the Week” ranking. I honestly don’t understand why the NFL can’t get these primetime matchups right. You know the entire world is tuning in, yet they keep serving us games that make us question why we even bother watching. But that’s a rant for another day—today is all about the NFL’s shit teams.
Now that we’re six weeks into the season, I’ve got a pretty good sense of who’s shit and who isn’t. Fair warning: a couple of my picks might surprise you. These rankings aren’t based on records; they’re based purely on the eye test. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s how to spot a truly shit football team.
6. Arizona Cardinals
Usually, I only do five teams in my rankings, but the Cardinals have been so shit that I had to make an exception this week. They’re easily one of the most undisciplined football teams I’ve ever seen. If they hadn’t fumbled the ball 400 times and racked up 800 pre-snap penalties yesterday, they might’ve won—or at least kept the game close. But nope. This team is a disaster. I’m not letting a one-point fluke win over the San Francisco Fraudiners change my mind. Arizona, welcome to the World of Shit.
5. Tennessee Titans
Watching the Tennessee Titans play football is like realizing someone you know is actually dumb. At first, it’s funny—like, “Oh, that’s just their thing.” But over time, it hits you: nope, they are genuinely not equipped to function properly. That’s the Titans. Every week, they flirt with being a competent football team, and just when you think they’re about to take that next step—boom—Will Levis shows up and reminds you exactly who they are.
4. New England Patriots
Does New England have a quarterback? Who knows. Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure—Patriots fans left Gillette Stadium with smiles on their faces. When your team sucks as much as the Patriots do right now, wins and losses become secondary. What matters is if there’s even a flicker of hope for the future. And that flicker? It came in the form of Drake Maye—a beam of sunlight peeking through a mile-deep pile of shit.
3. Carolina Panthers
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I don't want to kick a dead cat. This team blows.
2. Cleveland Browns
Big Cat might be the smartest idiot I’ve ever met. Some of the things he says are so dumb that they loop around and become brilliant. Case in point: Deshaun Watson. Watson is playing so badly that making him stay on the field is practically a punishment. It’s like a prison sentence for his $230M guaranteed heist. If he could retire tomorrow, he absolutely would. This contract will go down as the worst in NFL history. Until they bench him for Jameis Winston, this team is completely fucked.
1. Jacksonville Jaguars
And then we get to the Jaguars. Look, it’s one thing to look like the worst team in the NFL week after week. It’s another thing entirely when players start telling the media that their teammates are quitting mid-game. That’s when you know it’s over. There’s nothing Jacksonville can do to turn this ship around. At this point, they’re the frontrunners for the #1 spot on the “Shit Team of the Year” leaderboard. Only time will tell.