The Curse of False Hope: The Miami Dolphins Will Win Tonight

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, who’s ready for the Monday Night Football showdown between Tyler Huntley and Will Levis?!

Happy Monday, everyone! As you sit at your desk, battling the inner demons that arise from all the questionable decisions you made over the weekend, just remember—things could always be worse. You could be a Miami Dolphins fan.

Here's the thing: the Miami Dolphins are going to win tonight. Normally, if you know your favorite team is going to win a game, you'd walk around with a smile on your face. But with the Miami Dolphins, that's rarely the case. When the Dolphins win tonight, not only will they move to a 2-2 record, but they’ll also breathe a fresh wave of hope into Dolphins fans across the country. And if you’re not familiar with the dynamic between Dolphins fans and hope, let me explain: hope is to Dolphins fans what crack is to a crack addict. It’s all we know, it’s all we crave, but in the end, it’s always going to destroy us. 

I don’t want hope; I want certainties. I want to know if my team is capable of competing with the best, or I want the first overall pick. I cannot endure another season of mediocrity. I just can’t do it.

Aside from the Dolphins inevitably serving me my usual dosage of false hope tonight, this game is personal. The last time the Dolphins faced the Titans, I jinxed us into an early grave. We were up by 14 points with three minutes left to play—and we lost. At the time, the record for teams leading by 14 points with three minutes or less remaining was something like 600-0. Then, I prematurely tweeted about a Dolphins victory, which ultimately cost us the #1 seed. So tonight, I will do everything in my power not to make the same mistake twice.

Now, I know this might sound contradictory, considering I just guaranteed a victory, but as long as I don’t tweet about a win before the game ends, I’ll stand by what I said. The Miami Dolphins will win tonight. And once again, they’ll inject every fan with a dose of that fake hope we truly don’t need.

As fans, we endure the rollercoaster of emotions that this team always seems to provide. We’re given just enough flashes of brilliance to think maybe—just maybe—this year will be different. But deep down, we know how this story usually ends. We’re stuck in this endless cycle of inconsistency: not good enough to compete with the elite, but not bad enough to justify a full rebuild. Yet, for some reason, we can’t quit.

So tonight, the Dolphins will pull us back in. They’ll win, they’ll smile, and they’ll make us believe that something special is brewing in Miami. But until they can prove they’re not just serving up more empty promises, I’m bracing myself for yet another season of shattered dreams and “what ifs.” That’s just life as a Miami Dolphins fan.