The Most Ass Teams In CFB After Week 1
Even if you're a boobs guy, everyone can appreciate a nice ass. Personally, I lean more towards titties, but that doesn’t stop me from appreciating greatness. When it comes to hot women, I believe I was born in the golden era. No disrespect to the 80s—I'm sure growing up on Playboy and cocaine was a blast—but y'all just didn't have it like us. Whether that's for better or worse, I'll let you decide, but I've seen more ass on social media in one day than Playboy has produced in their entire existence. I know ass when I see it, and these teams? They are ASS.
4. Colorado State
You can’t seriously be trying to hide your play calls when you’re down 38-0. That’s an automatic ticket to being ass. What are you even trying to protect? The game plan that got you exactly zero points in a 60-minute football game? ASS. Look, I didn’t expect Colorado State to win, but their QB, who bragged about turning down six figures to stay, has to feel like a complete idiot after not scoring a single point in the season opener.
3. Clemson
The video above says it all. I don’t even know why I had high hopes for Clemson this year—probably because Brandon Walker's old ass can’t stop hyping them up, preaching about Cade Klubnik’s big breakout. And what does Klubnik do? He throws his first pass into the dirt on a one-yard flat route. Normally, I’d cut some slack for any team playing Georgia, but not this time. You simply cannot be Clemson and put up only three points. Therefore, they are certified ass.
2. Florida
Sell the whole team. Losing? That’s one thing. But getting absolutely humiliated at home on national TV by an in-state rival that hasn’t been good since the twin towers fell? That’s just embarrassing. It’s only week one, but let’s be real—the Florida Gators’ season is already over, and without a doubt, they are ASS.
1. Florida State
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I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Florida State, I love you. If it weren’t for your unparalleled ability to be utterly ass at playing football, the Florida Gators would be the absolute laughing stock of college football. Florida State has single-handedly removed the heat from every other team across the country because, let’s be real, no one has been as ass as FSU. So if your team’s looking like straight-up garbage, just remember how abysmal Florida State is—you’ll feel a whole lot better about yourself.
Here's my full ASS breakdown for week 1 of college football