I Personally Guarantee Ohio State Will Go 12-0 This Season. If They Lose A Game, I Will....

Look I'm not the biggest Michelle Obama fan but she does have a point here. The person who thinks he can and the person who thinks he can't are both right. And if you don't believe in yourself, then who else will? So when it comes to Ohio State's football this season, I have to show confidence in my boys. And my confidence levels are at an all-time high with the amount of talent we have returning / incoming to Columbus this year. I am calling my shot that Ohio State is going 12-0 this football season. And unlike my once content-making boss, I'm willing to both put my money where my mouth is AND create some entertainment along the way. 

Here is what I will do if Ohio State loses a game this year:

Now the list above is the one I posted on Twitter, and it's the one we're going to go with. But down here in the deep, dark depths of the blog, I'll share some of the ideas that Nick, Brandon, Big T, and I "joked" about:

Michigan State: Livestream having phone sex for an hour. Shout out to Mel Tucker. 

Iowa: I settled on shaving my head and donating my hair to the children's hospital, seeing as the first draft had me shaving my head and waving to everyone that passed by Barstool HQ for a full day....

Penn State: I will not say what Big T suggested. I will say that ideas were being thrown around that had the phrase "protest" and "Jerry Sandusky" in them. Inappropriate! Pass! -- Connor Griffin also told me I couldn't go to "Thon" because that would make a mockery of it!

Northwestern: Nick wanted me to pay tuition for a kid to attend there. Other ideas included earning my MBA from there, or perhaps jumping in the Chicago river after the game and swimming a mile.

Indiana: By the way, the people chirping the Hoosiers idea for being too easy, please stay up for 48 hours straight and then get back to me. I thought this was tougher than the alternative of going to an Indiana HS Basketball game every single Friday night throughout the Winter....

Michigan: Originally, the first draft had the same acronym as Kiss My Sister. Big T said I HAD to do it, and honestly, I might either way. But ultimately, I settled on throwing up the bet that Portnoy instigated but has now ducked ever since. That's why the asterisk is there, NOT because of the similar asterisk that will soon be by their National Championship.

Notes:

- I thought Oregon, where we are currently underdogs, was tough but not too hard. After further review from the commenters, eating anywhere from 300-500 peeps would be a literal nightmare. Think if we lose again the next week vs Nebraska and I go back to back weeks of peeps and only corn?

- We're 100% beating Purdue, right? The two worst on there are Akron…where we're 50 point favorites….and Purdue. Quitting my job to go teach after quitting my job to come to Barstool would likely have me checking out my 42nd floor balcony, but this Purdue face tattoo….fuck. Nick talked me into that one.

- The only open-ended one is Northwestern. A 34 on the ACT could quite literally have me taking a standardized test every Saturday for the rest of my life.