College Football Fans: You Have An 8 Hour Flight, Where Are You Sitting?
So I got bored yesterday and made this graphic because my college football juices were flowing after Week 0 was edging me but I couldn't finish. Kinda bullshit they teased us with College Gameday and a Top 10 upset, only to follow it up with a couple "who cares?" and no need to have multiple televisions in your living room. Either way, I figured this graphic could get a few likes, maybe a couple retweets. But a few million views, two thousand replies, and six hundred quote tweets later....yeah, people love college football.
Here's my Top 5 answers of where I'd sit on an 8 hour flight with this seating chart:
4E:
Did you really think I was going anywhere else? No, I'm getting priority boarding to get on this airplane as soon as possibly, putting my bags above my seat, turning to Ryan Day to tell him to shut the fuck up and let the men speak, and then proceeding to verbally undress Jim Harbaugh for the next 8 hours. Lots of people were choosing this option because it would be interesting to hear these two coaches talk. Not me. I don't want to hear a peep out of 4F. I will handle the discussion, mentioning everything from the Man of God himself not lying, stealing, or cheating, only to lie, steal, and cheat.....as well as the Stalions scandal, the waving of the white flag during covid, and how he was suspended 3x in one calendar year but still gets on his high horse like he's morally better than everyone.
2B:
My only issue is 30 might not be enough. Actually, on second thought, there's a 0% chance that 30 Coors Lights is enough for the duration of an 8 hour flight. Pat McAfee drank 30 beers himself live on television the other day, and Mike Gundy said he drinks about 30 beers a night before driving home about "a million times a year". And I'd like to enjoy a couple as well! I'll say this though: you give this row 30 beers and we're sitting in front of Deion, there's going to be some words exchanged with Mr. 4-8. I'm also probably giving a Wet Willy to Lincoln Riley from this spot. Welcome to the Big 10, buddy.
**There's a good chance all 3 of us end up on some sort of No Fly List when the flight is all said and done.
5A:
If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times: I do not dislike Connor Stalions. In fact, I respect him. He was a low-level staffer that did whatever it took to make a name for himself with the head coach, and he did it better than anyone's ever done it before. Took a below average program and turned them into National Champions all by himself. I just want to pick his brain and ask him how he did it. It kinda sucks we have to alone James Franklin in on the conversation, but it's the price I'm willing to pay to get 8 hours with Stalions. I'm even willing to sit behind Dabo and Jesus Christ talking….
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1E:
Look I'm not the biggest SEC guy, but 1E seems to have received about 95% of the ballot coming from below the Mason Dixon Line. These two might not want to talk to each other but I got plenty to say. And the instigator in me loves the animosity enough to squat down right in the middle of any play both sides of the fence. "Now Nick, Lane was saying your offense was so outdated that you would've retired 5 years ago had he not saved your career. Thoughts?
Apparently there's this book coming out that says Nick Saban thought Lane Kiffin was a narcissistic asshole and he wanted to fire his agent for convincing him to hire Kiffin. Says that Kiffin would straight up say that Nick Saban didn't know what he was talking about, right there in front of other coaches on the staff. And I'd get to sit between them for 8 hours? Sign me up.
5D:
A very popular answer from the reply guys, and I'll admit it's enticing, but maybe not for the reason you all think. Let me be very frank with you all: I have zero shot with Sydney Sweeney, especially when she's next to the blonde bombshell magnet himself, Coach Urban Meyer. I've got no play on the ball when Urban is probably already knuckles deep by the time I board. But if I can jam my knees right into the back of Jim Harbaugh while talking to Urban for the remaining 7 hours and 58 minutes once he's done, I'm doing that every single time. Plus I'm within striking distance of Jesus to pick his brain about the whole afterlife thing. If I can convince Gundy to toss me back a couple Coors from Row 2, this is the spot to be.
Alright, those are my answers. What do you guys think?