While The Internet Was Crying About Hawk Tuah Girl Throwing The First Pitch At A Mets Game, She Was Just Trying To Raise Money For Veteran Dogs

So Vibbs blogged about this yesterday and I admit I had a good chuckle. To be honest, despite Hawk Tuah Girl being plastered all over the internet as well as this here website for months (I just looked it up and somehow that video is less than two months old), I didn't think much of the video. Partially because I didn't know who the fuck Hailey Welch was when she showed up on my feed. But even when I remembered who she was thanks to Google, I still had to laugh considering the way the Mets season started.

Followed by the Mets good luck charm of the early part of the season being known as the Rally Pimp.

Which is why I didn't blink twice after seeing Hawk Tuah Girl added to this illustrious list. Granted, I'm a Mets fan used to the most preposterous things involving weiners and whatnot happening to my favorite baseball team.

This apparently wasn't universally the case as others seemed QUITE upset about a girl who went viral after making an offhand comment while being interviewed after a few drinks.

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I mean, listen, we're talking about first pitches. Not a game! Not a game! Not a game! We're talking about first pitches. Not a game. Not the game baseball players go out there and die for and play every game like it's their last. Not the game, we're talking about first pitches, man. I mean, how silly is that?

I know people get mad when viral internet celebrities try to extend their 15 minutes in search of fortune and fame. However, it seems like she was just trying to spread some awareness for a veteran dog program.

I agree that having her throw out the first pitch on camp day is LOLMets funny. But I can't remember ever truly caring about a first pitch being thrown by someone I didn't know, let alone doing a deep dive to figure out why that person is famous enough to throw out the first pitch (if you can consider a pitch being thrown to a non-player a real first pitch). I also realize that you couldn't turn on the news for years without hearing the name of a porn star, so God knows what the children of today's search histories look like.

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I'm not sure why first pitches before a game are such a big deal in the year 2024. I care much more about the last pitch of the actual game that decides who wins and whose loses. Yes, that was me acting like a hardo baseball writer. But the fact remains that the Mets pitchers 11 walks and 7 earned runs in a loss against the shitty A's was much more offensive than anything that happened on the mound before the game actually started.

If you want to Hawk Tuah on something, do it on the box score. But if you have a problem with Hawk Tuah Girl throwing out the first pitch at a Mets game, you hate veterans and dogs, which means I hate you. I also imagine Portnoy hates you, Big Cat hates you, and the entire cast of Zero Blog Thirty hates you even though I'm pretty sure Kate doesn't have a hateful bone in her entire body, including her crippled backbone. I want to say this will be the last Hawk Tuah blog this site even publishes, but I don't think we are that lucky.