How Does a Guy Win The Breakup After She Gets Her Tits Done?

Although my hairline is receding and I’m currently in the process of becoming a shredded physical specimen, this poll has nothing to do with me. My buddy just got out of a relationship, and his ex wasted no time sticking the dagger in his heart. Just two weeks after the breakup, she went out and got her tits done, and I’m not gonna lie, they look great. I know it’s not what my boy wants to hear, but sometimes the truth hurts. It’s human nature; guys are always going to appreciate a nice rack regardless of if you paid for them.

Anytime you see your girl go from A’s to C’s overnight, it’s going to sting a little, but guess what? The war has just begun. Sure, she won the first battle in an absolute landslide. She gained 3,000 followers in a week, and I’m sure her DMs are being blown up by pro athletes who want to pump and dump her, but guess what, champ? That’s only the first battle. We have a war to win.

After watching the tears flow down my boy's face as he looked at his ex-girlfriend's brand new, never sagging, perky breasts, we began to come up with a game plan to win the war. We started with the basics. What’s something that we can pay for to level out the playing field? That took me all but three seconds to figure out. I took one glance at his hairline and immediately booked his flight to Turkey.

But we couldn’t just stop there. You can’t win the war if you’re playing to get even. We’re playing to win. We needed to find something that actually requires work and discipline, something his ex-girlfriend knows nothing about. It was time for this out-of-shape piece of shit to get shredded. I signed him up at the closest gym to his apartment and paid for his first three personal training sessions.

You got me fucked up thinking I’m going to let my boy go out like this. His ex might be up now, but by the time I’m done with him, it’ll be her who's on the phone with her friends crying about how bad she wants him back.