These Type Of People SUCK
As someone who has been called insufferable, worthless, annoying, despicable, douchebag, living piece of shit and many other names followed by kill your self from blog commenters. I feel like I’m more than qualified to talk about this subject. Say what you want about me, but no one is worse than these types of people.
People Who Call Shotgun Before They See The Car
Early shotgun callers are the worst, especially when they’re 5’6". You know you have no business calling shotgun over Corey, who's 6’5" and 265 pounds, while Kyle is driving a Kia Optima. Have some self-awareness. Even if you’re not 5’6", don’t be the weirdo who calls shotgun when the waitress brings the check. Have some class; wait until everyone walks out of the exit and then call your shot. Game will always respect game, unless you’re one of those losers who tries to “blitz” a perfectly legal shotgun call. Those people are the scum of the earth.
“Venmo me” People
Everyone has the right to set their own Venmo limit. Mine is $40. This means if we go out to eat and the tab is under $40, don’t even worry about Venmo’ing me—I got it. I know that my boy will get the next one. I don’t care if your limit is $20, what I care about is the cheap fuck who will Venmo request you after grabbing two water bottles from the gas station. Like really, bro? You want me to Venmo you $2.53? Fucking prick.
The Guy Who Never Calls Uber
We all have one of these people in our friend group. Whether their phone's “dead,” they don’t have the app, they’re banned, they’d rather “walk” or “get it” on the way back, we all know it’ll never happen. Being the Uber abuser isn’t enough to get you kicked out of the friend group, but it’s enough to show everyone you're a selfish, cheap prick.
Hot Girls With No Personality
Bravo. Getty Images.
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Nothing kills the vibe more than finding a fit bird in a sardine-packed bar, gathering the courage to walk up to her and shoot your shot, only to find out she's got Biden brain. If these girls weren’t absolute rockets, these Patrick the Star brain fucks would be bagging groceries at the local Walmart Neighborhood Market.
The Gated Community All-American
Guilty as charged. It’s me, the gated community All-American. When I’m in my neighborhood, I’m prime Michael Jordan, but once I hit the field with some real athletes, I’m just another dude. And honestly, I’m fine with it. I just hate when people like myself try to convince not only ourselves but others that we could’ve played D1 if so-and-so didn’t happen. Just let it go and enjoy dropping a triple double on your old and washed colleagues on Friday.