The Worst Part About Soccer Is Clearly 16-Year-Old Phenoms Doing Incredible Things And Reminding You Of How Old You Are Like Lamine Yamal

Stefan Matzke - sampics. Getty Images.

The thing about soccer is that it's obviously a beautiful game. It's just hard for the American brain to process when trying to follow along. There are so many different leagues and so many different tournaments and so many different qualifiers. Loans and relegations this, Champions league and derbies that. 

So it's not that I'm anti-soccer and hate the sport. I think it's sick and I'll watch when good games are on. The flopping is egregious but it's no different in the NBA these days. HOWEVA....

My heart is certainly filled with rage when legitimate children like Lamine Yamal step onto the stage at just 16-years-old and put on an incredible performance on one of the world's biggest stages like the Euro semifinals. 

Even in the NHL and NBA where you have some phenoms coming into the league at 18 and 19-years-old, there's just something about those extra couple of years that allows your brain to come to terms with the fact that they're technically adults. At the very least, those kids would have graduated high school by that point. But a 16-year-old? He should still be falling asleep in algebra class. He still needs to get dropped off to practice by his parents. And yet here he is getting 75,000 asses out of their seats and going ballistic on an international stage. 

It's just soul crushing to all us olds out there who could never achieve a fraction of a fraction of the athletic success of little twerps like this. I'm 32-years-old and I have a 6-month-old baby at home. It makes me sick to think this kid is just as close to her age as he is to mine. It's just a hard line to walk because while despising kids who just stay inside all day playing video games and making TikToks, I also don't want children to have immense athletic success and make me feel worse about myself. Just meet me somewhere in the middle, is all I'm asking. Be a really good high school athlete, not a world class one. But for some reason, soccer consistently feels the need to pump out these teenage phenoms anyway. Pretty fricked up, if you ask me.