My All-Barstool 7 on 7 Football Team

I need football in my life so badly. I don't know what to do with myself. I've spent the last two weeks watching old games, listening to podcasts, and making crazy future parlays that have no chance of hitting. When you factor all that in with me staring at the clock waiting for CFB25 to drop, it's safe to say I'm losing my mind. So, to help with that, I've created my dream Barstool Sports 7v7 team.

Now, before we get started there are two rules:

1. No NFL Players 

2. No D1 College Football Players 

Let us begin:

QB- Billy Football and Megan Makin Money

This is a no brainer Billy is a fucking monster. I've watched some of his tape and he's more than capable of leading this team to victory. I also had to add Megan Makin Money as the backup incase Billy's shoulder gives out on us. I see Megan everyday and let me tell you something, that girl can throw a fucking football. Even if Billy were to go down, Meg's got us. 

RB- Chef Donny

There's a reason this guy can cook food all day and not be a fat fuck; the guy's an athlete. Outside of the former pro athletes and Francis, Donnie was the best all-around athlete in the bunch. This cat can fly. If he can catch the ball out of the backfield, his legs will take care of the rest.

WR's- Myself, Marty Mush, KB

I'm not gonna suck my own dick but my hands are certified. When God made me he installed Nike Vapor Gloves into my skin. I couldn't drop a football if you paid me. I owe Marty an apology; I wasn't familiar with his game. When I used to watch his videos of him and that dumb ass bird, I thought there was no chance this goof had an athletic bone in his body. But I was wrong—Marty is low-key a dawg. KB is just a fast menace; he's going to be the Wes Welker of this football team.

TE- White Boy Rick 

6'6 250lbs and can dunk a basketball? Say less. Welcome to the team Rick. 

C- Zah

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OH MY DAYS!!! ZAH ZAH MY GOAT!! Believe it or not you are the PERFECT center for 7 on 7 football. You don't have to block anyone you just stand there and toss Billy the football. We need your vibes big man!!

CB's- Gillie & Wallo 

I know what you're thinking, but I didn't have a choice. Up until this year, you'd have to go back to 1945 to find a white corner. They just don't exist. Gillie and Wallo are our only hope to lock up wide receivers and give us the respect we need to step foot on a football team.

Safety's- Francis & Pat

Giphy Images.

This can low key be our strongest position group. Francis is a certified athlete and Pat is a menace from the back (don't even have to pause it). I have the upmost confidence in these two to prevent us from getting beat over the top. 

LB's- Chief (Sam) PFT (Mike) White Sox Dave (Will)

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Yeah buddy! This is my big three right here! The last thing any wide receiver wants to do is run over the middle and see a wild White Sox Dave, a cracked-out PFT, and a big, bulky Chief. Sure, we might lead the league in penalties, but at least we'll set the tone.