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How Fucked Are The Florida Gators?

If you're reading this blog, odds are you've been fucked. Whether it's in bed or in life, everyone has been fucked at least once. When I was 19, I let one of my friends drive my car that had no insurance. Twenty minutes later, I got a call that the car was totaled. I had just finished paying off my $40,000 debt, and I still don't think I was as fucked as the Florida Gators are this year.

This schedule is fucking brutal. I'd rather pull an Adam22 and watch my wife get fucked by Jason Luv than play this schedule. Not only is it the hardest schedule in the country this year, but you could also argue that it's the hardest schedule in college football history. It wouldn't surprise me if they're underdogs in all of their final seven games and lose every game they play in November. 

However, in life, getting fucked isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sure, it sucks in the moment and makes you question why you're even alive, but getting fucked builds character. Contrary to popular belief, I was an even worse person before my friend totaled my car. That accident turned me into a man overnight, and as fucked up as it was, looking back, I'm low key grateful that it happened. And I think the same thing will happen with the Florida Gators. Yes, the schedule sucks, but that doesn't mean this team has no chance of prevailing. Losing the last five games of the season will leave a sour taste in any fan's mouth, but if you go back and look at the games they lost, you will see that last year's team could have easily been an 8-win team.

By no means do I think the Florida Gators are going to win the SEC this year, but my God are odds makers treating them like they’re a special Olympics flag football team. Setting their win total at 4.5 games if flat out disrespectful. Being a home underdog against Miami Week 1 is a fucking joke. Who the fuck are the Miami Hurricanes to be road favorites in the Swamp?

Every year the preseason polls hype up Miami like they’re the best thing since sliced bread just for them to get blown out by Middle Tennessee. I can’t wait to beat the breaks out of those fraud fucks. Florida can realistically win their first four games. Miami is shit until proven otherwise. I don’t even know where Samford is. We have A&M at home and then we take a trip to Brandon Walker land to play the absolutely putrid Mississippi State bulldogs. I went to UCF for two years before I transferred to Florida and even though they’re in the Big12 now, the talent gap between the two schools is night and day. On the road at Tennessee will be tough but we own those Orange fucks. We’ve only lost to them twice since 2005. 

It won’t be easy, but there is a legitimate chance that Florida can win their first five games of the year and cash their win total before they even get to that brutal November stretch. At the end of the day this is SEC football. Any team has a chance on any given Saturday, they’ll be underdogs in the last five games of the year, but don’t be surprised if they steal one or maybe even two games during that stretch. I wouldn’t bet them to make the college football playoffs but I will 100% be betting them to win over 4.5 games this year.



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