Dumping Them Out: Fun Facts About America

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. Usually whenever I write a one of these around a patriotic holiday (Memorial Day or 4th of July), I make it American themed. Usually I do the easiest possible thing and make a series of American related lists. But I'm pretty sure I've already done greatest Americans, most American foods, most American "things" in general. Now I'm going to have to get creative. And by "getting creative" I mean that I'll have to put forth slightly more than the bare minimum effort. 

Actually, scratch that. I'm just going to Google "Fun Facts About America" and write about anything I find even mildly interesting.

Fact 1: The United States has no official language or religion

This seems like a try hard move by America. Like we want to prove how much of a melting pot we are by refusing to proclaim English as our official language. Who are we kidding guys. In like 80% of this country you can barely survive without English. English is so much our official language that we've bullied other countries across the world into learning it. 

Fact 2: Alaska is the largest state in the US

This isn't fun at all. I only include this because I once dated a girl who didn't know where Alaska was on a map. Blew my mind. It's shocking how Geography just completely misses some people. For example, White Boy Rick couldn't point on Kansas on a map on The Yak the other day. No clue how that's possible. 

Fact 3: Russia sold Alaska to the United States for 2 cents per acre in 1872

Sticking with #AlaskaFacts. With inflation, 2 cents per acre is somewhere between $1-$2 per acre in 2024. 80 years after we made the purchase we found a whole mess of oil there. Two years after the discovery of oil we officially named Alaska a state. Tough break Russia. 

Fact 4: Americans are the first and only people to walk on the moon

I've never been a big conspiracy guy. Definitely not a moon landing conspiracy guy. But the more time goes on I get more and more suspicious of it. The last people to walk on the moon did so in 1972. You would think at least once, even just for shits and giggles, we'd have gone back. Just to say we did. Just to plant a fresh flag or something. Or maybe just a super rich guy would fund a trip. But nope. The moon has been untouched by humans ever since. Apparently China sent some sort of spacecraft to the dark side of the moon recently, and whatever robot they deployed onto the moon planted a China flag. That seems like cheating. You should have to send actual people there to be able to plant flag. 

Fact 4: California, Texas, and Florida are the most hated states in America

I'm not sure where got this information from, but it adds up. I'd imagine California is disliked most, considering it's unanimously hated and used as a punchline by the entire Republican party. So that's almost half of America right there. Texas is the closest thing to California's counterpart in that sense. Florida is trash outside of Miami and maybe a few other coastal cities. I'd like to know what the least hated cities in America are. Alaska and Hawaii would have to make that list. They're so out of sight, out of mind that it's hard to develop a hatred for them. I think somewhere like Minnesota would be the 3rd least hated. Everyone up there is friendly and talks like cartoon characters. It's like a nice little mini-Canada within the friendly confines of the United States. 

Fact 5: 3 billion Christmas cards are sent in the United States each year

There's no way the tradition of Christmas cards doesn't die out by the time were old right? Why would anybody need a Christmas card when everyone posts their lives all over social media. They're kind of annoying really. I never have enough magnets to hold them up. So I try to double up cards on a single magnet, but then the magnets aren't strong enough, then every time I walk by my fridge and make the slightest breeze the cards fall everywhere. I never know how long to hold onto them either. There more of a hassle than anything else. 

Fact 6: Americans are stereotypically direct, arrogant, friendly, and individualistic

Global Admissions is getting a real loose with their definition of a "fact". 

Fact 7: George Washington didn't actually have wooden teeth

Yeah right bitch. That's revisionist history. Every one knows our first president had a mouthful of wood.

Fact 8: There used to be a $10,000 bill

They were last produced in 1969. The person on the bill was Treasury Secretary Salmon P. Chase who helped to establish our national banking system. In 2023, a $10,000 bill sold for $480,000 in auction. You know there's still some floating around out there that people don't know about. Like maybe someone's great grandpa who was scared of banks hid money away in an attic, then he passed away and nobody knew that there was money in the ceiling so to this day it's still up there. Do you live in an old house? There could literally be a $10,000 bill in your attic right now. Wouldn't hurt to check.

Fact 9: There's an island of monkeys off the coast of South Carolina where humans aren't allowed

For some reason (research purposes), back in 1979 someone put 1,400 rhesus monkeys on the island. The population is now up to 4,000. The island is now owned by the National Institute of Allergy and Infection Diseases. It's illegal for humans to try and access it. If I were in charge of the island, I would find a group of people (5 women, 5 men) to go live on the island and live amongst the monkeys. They would start families of their own, raise their children among the monkeys. Soon enough, we'd have a real life George of the Jungle situation on our hands.


Sergei Gussev. Unsplash Images.

Fact 10: There's a random field in Virginia with 43 giant presidential heads

The field is in Croaker, Virginia. Just 43 big ol' crumbling president heads that once belonged to a park that no longer exists. It was a terribly run park. It opened in 2004, cost $10 million to build, and went completely belly up by 2010. But they still have the heads. 

Bob Karp. Shutterstock Images.