Video: Summer Officially Arrives in the Form of a Boat Slamming Into the Beach at Full Throttle

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I'm hardly in the minority when I say that boating is one of the true joys of summer for me. And I'm no snob. Power boats. Sail boats. Large, small, or in between. In the words of Melville, "Yes, as everyone knows, meditation and water are wedded for ever." 

There's just something about being on the waves that speaks to me. Not enough to actually own one. But very much enough to befriend people who do, and convince them to take me out on it. 

That said, it's undeniably true that while boats give pleasure to we pure souls who enjoy living that Jimmy Buffett existence, it also attracts a certain class of douchebags. Reckless, irresponsible twats who can't be trusted behind the wheel of a golf cart. And who treat a "No Wake" sign like the green flag at a race track. There's not an experienced sailor on the seas who doesn't have a half dozen stories of such asswipes chambered and ready to go at all times. 

Well right now, we don't know if the captain and drew of this vessel belonged to that group or if something terrible and unavoidable took place on board. Just that this could've been an epic maritime disaster. The Edmund Fitzgerald of North Carolina:

Regardless, we know two things. The people who were casually enjoying a beach day with their coolers, snacks and Elin Hilderbrand romance novels were lucky to escape with their lives. And the Summer Boating Season is officially upon us. Because this was like the ceremonial First Pitch of Danger Boating along the Eastern Seaboard.

Hitting the beach at ramming speed is a tradition almost as old as boating itself. From Ben Hur:

To 007:

To Dale and Brennan:


To that Julia Roberts movie we all watched last year and quickly forgot about:

To Sandra Bullock in one of the most reviled sequels ever made:

Even drunken oil tanker captains:

And just because we live in a world of autopilots and satellite-guided navigation is no reason to stop trying to see how far up on to land you can get your watercraft to travel into solid objects. Other boats. Docks. Reefs. Sandbars. Even North America. So enjoy your time on the water this summer. But I'm going to be wearing a life jacket from now on. And sitting above the high tide mark at the beach while I'm at it.