Existential crisis about money.


So I did the above video a few days ago and it got an overwhelming positive response with the main word being "relatable", so I wanted to sort of type and expand on it.

Basically, my point is money is a mindfuck. I read nonstop about personal finance and it worries the shit out of me. You want to invest so you have enough for the future- for a house, kids, college, etc. But in the mean time, what are you supposed to do? Not spend at all? It seems like everyone, unless you're Dave, worries about money. And there's no real solution.

I don't know when it happened for me, but spending money now feels...bad? Wrong? Guilty? I don't have the exact word for what it is. I get so worried about the future I hate spending in the present. But what is the point of having it if you're not going to use it to experience life? That is what really gets to me- we have no idea what life holds for us. The phrase "you make plans and god laughs" is so relevant. So should you just live in the now and not worry about the future, or is that too simple minded? 

The answer, obviously, is balance. But what I've come to realize is there is no perfect balance. Nobody- not CPAs, not your "friend who works in finance", not your mother's accountant who still does spreadsheets by hand and thinks the internet is a phase; not a single soul really knows the perfect balance of living in the present vs saving for the future. People will give you ratios, %s of what to do with your income. Put X% here, X%, here, and X% here, they'll tell you. But everyone'e situation and mindset is different. What works for one person might be completely different for someone else- there is no real answer at all, which makes it hard because I prefer things that have solvable answers. 

Right now I have about 80% of my money invested. I am aware that is too much. I got into BTC early-ish, have a ROTH, have a stock portfolio, and have a 401k I max out. I feel better knowing my money is growing and making me more money instead of sitting in my bank account gathering dust. And that's where the guilt of spending comes in- if you spend, that money isn't making you money! But then what's the point of it? I do enjoy refreshing and seeing my networth go up. I do like the dopamine rush I get from that. So there is some value in it.

Not to get too deep about life in general, but isn't this entire thing fucking crazy? How every little circumstance that has ever happened has led us to this point? And the path we are traveling on could have 5 more years, 10 more years, 50 more years- we have absolutely zero clue. So if it's 5 more years, the answer would be to spend it now because we're running out of time. If it's 50, well buddy, better keep max'ing out that 401k because you're in for the long haul. Would be super nice if they could just let us know, would make a lot of people a lot less stressed!

And then there are the other factors- employment, or lack there of. I don't know how long this magical job will last. I don't know what happens after Barstool, or when/if that is even a thing. So conventional wisdom would suggest to save as much as I can right now because the chances I land a dream job like this whenever it may end is probably quite low. But then the mindfuck starts again- what's the point of working if you're not going to enjoy the paycheck from it?

A lot of people have suggested reading Bill Perkins' book "Die With Zero". This is the synopsis:

Imagine if by the time you died, you did everything you were told to. You worked hard, saved your money, and looked forward to financial freedom when you retired.
The only thing you wasted along the way was…your life.
Die with Zero presents a startling new and provocative philosophy as well as practical guide on how to get the most out of your money—and out of your life. It’s intended for those who place lifelong memorable experiences far ahead of simply making and accumulating money for one’s so-called Golden Years.


It's probably something I should read, but at the same time, the author is a billionaire so I find it hard to take the "live life to the fullest!" opinion from someone who has made more money in the last 5 minutes than most of us will make in a year. 

I want to have great experiences. But I also want to have that safe future. But what if that future doesn't exist? And round and round we go. Nobody wants to be the person who spends a ton on themselves right now and then can't provide for their kids in the future or live comfortably in retirement. That is the worst possible situation in my opinion, to have to work forever because I fucked up when I was younger.

After I posted the above video, people were very supportive and encouraged me to play WSOP this year. I was planning on sitting out because $10k in buy-ins today is worth a lot more down the future. But WSOP is one thing I legitimately enjoy, so I was convinced to fly to Vegas and hop in. Was it the right move? I don't know. But maybe that's the point, that none of us really know anything. We're all just bags or organs fucking around on a planet where we mindlessly scroll 15 second videos to pass the time. 

If you're like me and worry about this type of thing, I think you're on the right track. If you're more of an "ignorance is bliss" type of person who goes about their days without a worry, I envy you. And if you have found that perfect balance, please, pass along the secret. 

Now I gotta decide if I go play another tournament or book a flight home.

Thanks for reading and gosh bless you all.