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Last Night Was A Very Important Reminder That George R.R. Martin Is A Sick And Twisted Fuck

Tolga Akmen. Shutterstock Images.

Last night we were all so excited that we were getting a new episode of Thrones, we forgot what that really meant. Namely that we were about to journey back into the demented mind of the bearded hermit pictured above who doesn't have a conscience when putting pen to paper.

That sick son of a bitch has made me numb to watching brothers fuck their sisters, a woman and baby dying during childbirth in 4K, and hundreds of men being slaughtered which included a pregnant woman being stabbed to death in the belly as her husband watched before being murdered as his mother watched before having her throat slit. 

Despite ALL THAT, I don't think I will ever get over hearing a baby get murdered, ON FATHERS DAY NO LESS, with the closed captioning describing the sequence in horrifying fashion.

Oh yeah, and George had those bumbling fools kick a dog for good measure as well!

At this point, I'm too committed to the cinematic universe to bail since they have leveled things out after Benioff & Weiss crashed the landing for Thrones. But I will never let my guard down again about how fucked up shit may get if the guy with the turtle hat is in charge of the source material. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 100 times with the latest fooling being a baby getting decapitated in its sleep, shame on I guess God for making it possible? Especially considering shit was even more fucked up in the books.

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Anyway, this is just a warning for everyone to keep their head on a swivel every Sunday night for now on or else George may have yours on a spike (JK, he'll put your child's head on there instead).

Some more quick thoughts from the first episode of the season:

- For all the shit I was bellyaching about above, I know once I hear the Thrones music hit in the intro, I'll be ready to navigate whatever unspeakable hell George R.R. Martin's brain created. It doesn't mean I'm gonna like it, but I'll be hyped. Because last night had me fired the fuck up after seeing they redid the HotD intro.

You know how good an intro has to be to get people fired up about a tapestry being made? Yet here we are. I also had to find a video that explained what a bunch of the weavings meant, which luckily included my guy Heavy Spoilers breaking down in the beginning of his recap.

I am NOT looking forward to seeing the tale of Blood and Cheese woven onto that cloth.

- I never understood how any book readers could be Team Green since they were just a bunch of weirdos that loved freaky shit and usurping thrones. HOWEVAH, I must admit that Aegon drinking beers with the fellas on the throne kinda makes him The People's King, Aemond is a flat out awesome character, The Club Foot is clearly going to be an even more demented Littlefinger, and it's hard to stan a family of baby killers. I'm not saying I'm Team Green, but I do understand where Team Green is coming from now.

- KFC made a great point last night on our live recap (which you can watch and listen to here). When Hoodie Deamon comes out, shit is about to go down.

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It could be murder, wild sex, or crazy shit only George R.R. Martin's brain can dream up. But once the hoodie goes on that pale hair, get ready for some carnage to unfold on your TV worthy of this classic screen because Daemon Time has been activated.

- On the other side of the spectrum, how about Criston Cole going from Mr. Morals last season to sucking on the Queen's crown jewel in the shadows this season? I honestly can't think of a better word to describe Criston than the C word, which is pretty messed up because I can't unsee this comparison to my buddy Steven Cheah, since they are both straight edge guys that loves going downtown more than Steph Curry.

Alright, I think it's time to wrap things up now that I've made it to the part of the blog where I talk about my coworker's love of eating pussy. For more on all things Dragons, check out our recap of last night's episode on Game of Stools, which airs every night as soon as the episode ends (make sure to subscribe in order to join the chat AKA The Small Council because they are the best resource in the world for figuring out what just went down in the show).

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