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Chicago's Own Mike Tauchman Walks The White Sox Off To 13 Straight Losses

Local guys get local blog titles around here. Mike Tauchman, step right up you handsome, dead-ass serious sandbagging son of a bitch. 

That's a Bradley University guy from Fremd High School. A guy who grew up in the sunshine of 1:20pm starts on WGN, shaped by Alfonso Soriano's shoddy left field play and Lou Piniella's no-nonsense managerial approach. 

In other words, he's our guy. 

Is he a dude? Depends on the circle. A lot of them say yes, but that's a different conversation. 

For now, a couple highlights: 

- The White Sox are sad. I have more on this, but I don't want to send somebody off a literal edge right now. Obviously it's a bad situation that's actually getting worse. Obviously there's no reason to have any hope, at all, whatsoever, if you like the White Sox. You're fucked for at least the next decade and that's being generous. 

- The Cubs are .500 for the first time since who gives a fuck. Tomorrow's a new day. 31-31 is the same as 0-0. 

- There's no reason the White Sox should be this bad. 

- Dansby Swanson isn't that good (right now) and it might not go away for a long time. At least the 2nd half? I didn't think his struggles would transcend all facets of his game. Usually the fundamentals stop that from happening, but they don't exist right now. He looks like a different guy. At first I thought it could've been a bad batch of crab legs or mishandled oysters. Maybe some diarrhea sliding into 3rd base in April, etc. But reality suggest that his problems go much deeper than skidmarks. I'm a week or two away from getting uncomfortable. 

- Nico Hoerner got ejected tonight. Craig Counsell didn't, which bothers me. Nico never gets run - so if it happens, the manager needs to follow. No questions asked. Nico's that guy and deserves that cover. He's been one of the few bright spots and it would make sense to defend him publicly. 

- Craig Counsell went to Notre Dame. I think you guys know this about me but worth repeating: I think most Notre Dame guys are easily replaceable 

- The Cubs are 2-0 to start a 22-game stretch against teams at/below .500. It continues again this weekend in Cincinnati, which is nice (on paper). 

- For now, we can take a deep breath knowing that utter catastrophe has been avoided against the White Sox. If only for a 24-hour window, I am compelled to enjoy it. So far, this season's been a complete roller coaster, and all signs point to another tumultuous weekend of sloppy baseball. Or maybe not. I don't exactly know yet, which is exactly why I'm compelled to enjoy this moment. Even if we're a shabby 31-31, and the White Sox would use a rusted closet hanger to abort this season. So go ahead an soak this one up. 

- There's more to talk about, but nothing more important that reminding you guys that Mike Tauchman saved the day. 

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PS - if you're from Palatine, please recommend a decent local place that serves Vienna products. Thank you in advance.

PPS - lol