BBL's vs Tits: A Stanley Cup Preview

If you haven't seen the rack of the century, I suggest you open twitter and scroll for a couple minutes. Hands down one of the best racks I've ever seen. I just hope that's not someones mom or that kid is fucked for the rest of his life. You simply can't have your mom flashing the milkers you grew up sucking on to the world and not get verbally abused by your boys. But that's all hearsay, this girl has an amazing rack but is it enough to bring Edmonton their fist Stanley Cup since 1990?

Perfect Front Porch vs Kodak Black

Unfortunately I can't put perfect racks on the blog, but by now, I assume anyone who doesn't live under a rock has seen the front porch of the Oilers girl. However, people forget that Florida has Kodak Black. I won't speak on Kodak's criminal history because it's longer than a suburban moms grocery list, but I will speak on how he is the first celebrity to lay pipe (have a stripper throw it back on him) in the middle of a game. As much as I love Broward County and Kodak, I can't let my personal bias get in the way of my professional judgment. It pains me to say it, but round one goes to Edmonton. 

Edmonton's 4 Cups vs Florida's 0 Cups

This round simply comes down to which team is more due. Being due in sports is weird. It's irrelevant but also extremely important. For example, let's say there's an MLB player who's 0 for 10 in his last 10 at bats. When you wake up in the morning and look for your mid-day sweat you'll see that guy is -130 to get a hit in his next game. Now, why on Earth would a guy who is 0 for his last 10 be -130 to get a hit today? Because he's due. I know the Oilers have been shit for the last 20 years, but outside of the last four years so have the Panthers. The Cats have never won a cup, while Edmonton has four, therefore, the Cats are far more due than the Oilers. Advantage Florida. 

Edmonton's Socialism vs Florida's Capitalism 

EVA MARIE UZCATEGUI. Getty Images.

Advertisement

Get fucked, Canada. In theory, Socialism sounds cute, but historically, it doesn't work. Sure, healthcare in America is an absolute scam, but at least we're not socialist. This one’s easy, advantage Florida.

Edmonton's Nice Rack vs Florida's BBL's

Yup, you're welcome. 

Listen, the Oilers girl put on a fucking clinic with those jugs, but let's call a spade a spade. That's the first time anybody has been like "yo did you see that chick from Canada?" I grew up in South Florida, not only do you get nice racks, but you get the ass too. If you've ever been to South Florida you know the talent is limitless. If Oilers girl wasn't at the hockey game nobody would have batted an eye. It's important for us to not let the environment of the moment cloud our judgement. When it comes down to which team has the most fit birds supporting them, it's Florida and it's not even close. 

Oh, and let's not forget about Dave prematurely counting his winnings. Anyone who's ever bet on sports knows this is a WILD thing to do. Especially if you're a seasoned vet like Dave.

All eyes are on the rack from Canada but all signs point towards Florida winning the cup. 

Official Prediction:

Cats in 6