Hulu's Newest Reality Show, Virgin Island, Will Feature Nothing But Stunningly Attractive And Confident Virgins

Variety - Hulu is launching a new dating series titled “Virgin Island,” where “stunningly attractive and confident singles” who claim to have never had sex seek to change that. 

According to Hulu, “Virgin Island” will host a bunch of hot virgins at an island resort, where they will look for “the one.” Throughout the 10-episode series, the contestants will go on dates and participate in romantic activities as they prepare to renounce their V-cards. Per the logline, “As the cast finds heartfelt connections and explores their varying reasons for waiting, there will be plenty of unexpected twists, including new arrivals and departures, all culminating in a dramatic finale where burgeoning relationships are put to the test.”

Virgin Island is an interesting enough concept for a show. There have certainly been worse ideas that people have made into successful-ish reality TV. If they can manage to appropriately cast this thing I'm sure it'll do numbers. A bunch of smokeshows in bikini's and shredded hot dudes just bursting at the balls with sexual energy that's been pent up over the course of 20+ years. All the pieces are there. But holy shit do I not envy the poor souls at Hulu responsible for sifting through the applicants for Virgin Island. Finding enough of age virgins who are at the same time...

A) Hot Stunningly Attractive
B) Confident
C) Willing to publicly lose their virginity on a reality TV show 

... that could be a near impossible task. I'm not sure those people exist outside the minds of porn directors and whoever at Hulu came up with the idea for this thing. I can only imagine the number of tremendously underqualified humans that casting will have to weed out before finally nailing down enough contestants to fill an island with virgins. Just think about the type of people who will be applying for this... 

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm underestimating what growing up in a crazy religious household does to a person's brain. Maybe there's a decent crop of model hot people out there who grew up in super strict Catholic families, who for 22-years have been waterboarded with bible verses and threats of eternal damnation should they even consider the act of sex. But now that they've graduated from John Paul The Great Catholic University and have moved out on their own, they've come to realize how much life they've missed out on. They start blaming their parents for robbing them of their best years. They grow to resent them so much that instead of simply walking to the nearest bar, throwing back a few Miss Peaches flavored High Noon's, and going home with any guy or girl of their choosing (which is what 99.9% of those people do), they decide to save their virginity for Virgin Island where they can really stick it to the church. 

"Hey mom?! Hey Father Kyle?! Remember when you told me I couldn't go to my senior prom because Billie Eilish sings the Devil's music? Well watch me have pre-marital sex in front the entire world with this smoking hot 19-year old who floated here from India on a raft the night before her parents auctioned her off to the richest doctor in Mumbai."

I'm pretty sure that's what Virgin Island is expecting to happen on their reality show. But do those people truly exist? Crazy religious people who are hot & confident are typically married to other hot & confident religious people and on their 3rd kid by the time they graduate college. And I assume any non-religious virgin who is hot & confident enough to qualify for Virgin Island is far too successful in their own right to bother with reality TV (look no further than George Constanza to see how abstaining from sex affects your brain) 


Now imagine if George was hot? He would have been elected president. 

I'm sure there are hot & confident, reality-TV-ready virgins out there if you look hard enough. And if anybody is going to track them down it's the hard working geniuses behind the show Virgin Island. But they're going to have one hell of a time tracking them down. Tim Tebow's don't grow on trees. It's either that, or they'll end up hiring 12 actors to play the role of "virgin" and we'll be none the wiser (until a couple of months down the road when one of their exes comes out of the woodwork to blow up their spot, which will turn into a controversy that will only bring more attention to the show).

Good luck Hulu. You're sitting on a goldmine. Can't wait to see the beauties you cast for this one.