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Tom Brady Admits He Regrets Doing the Roast: 'I Wouldn't Do That Again'

It's been a week and a half since the Tom Brady roast, and yet we're still experiencing the aftershocks of this seismic pop culture event. For instance, over the weekend, I got stopped by my parish priest on the way into Mass to tell me how, having been born and raised in Dorchester, he can handle a dirty joke as well as the next guy. But he had to bail early because it was too vulgar for his liking. (Note that I was relieved to hear he missed Gronk's set.) It's still the subject of podcast conversations, sports and non-sports alike:


And has raised the profile of some of the comics to the point they've seen their online engagement skyrocket. Such is the power of Tom Brady, of comedy, and of Nikki Glaser telling the world she'd shoot her boyfriend in the face for a lottery ticket to suck Brady's dick.

As I've pointed previously, it wasn't for everybody:

But the guest of honor seemed pleased, and that's all that counts. Brady was like the birthday boy or the bride at a wedding; not all the guest had to have fun as long as he did. This was his special day. And as long as he was happy, then it was a smashing success for all of America. 

Except now we find out he wishes he'd never agreed to do it:

Source - Speaking on an episode of The Pivot podcast released Tuesday, Brady discussed his regret around how the live roast affected his children.

“I loved when the jokes were about me, I thought they were so fun. I didn’t like the way it affected my kids,” Brady told hosts Ryan Clark, Fred Taylor, and Channing Crowder. “It’s the hardest part about — the bittersweet aspect of — when you do something that you think is one way, and then all of a sudden you realize, I wouldn’t do that again because of the way that it affected, actually, the people that I care about the most in the world. It makes you in some ways a better parent, going through it, because sometimes you’re naive, you don’t know, or you get a little like, oh s***. …

“Like I said, when I signed up for that, I love when people are making fun of me,” Brady added. “I wanted to do the roast because the guy (legendary roast comic) Jeff Ross became someone that I knew, you don’t see the full picture all the time. I think it’s a good lesson for me as a parent. I’m going to be a better parent as I go forward because of it, and at the same time I’m happy everyone who was there had a lot of fun.”

You don't have to be a parent to understand Brady if he's experiencing a little buyer's remorse at a time like this. Even under the best of conditions, children are Kryptonite to stand up comedy. As any comic who's found themselves working a private party or fundraiser where kids are present and they'll tell you they'd rather have done their set in front of a room full of empty chairs. A roast is that same thing, but to an order of magnitude. Jeff Ross' target audience isn't exactly the preteen set. Which is why kids have insipid dreck like Annoying Orange to keep them entertained so mom can have some quiet time with her 50 Shades and New Amsterdam.

And I think we can  all relate to Brady in his situation. How awkward it must've been to explain to the Brady Bundch why those people were making jokes about mom and the jiu-jitsu instructor. What Kevin Hart meant when he said she was taking eight lessons a day and her only bruises were on her butt. Why Drew Bledsoe was saying that stuff about how she wouldn't touch him at the end of the marriage. 


Giphy Images.

On the other hand, it had to be one-millionth as awkward as it was for Gisele to explain it. Which is sort of the point. Hart, Ross, Bledsoe, Glaser and the rest said the things their father probably can't. This roast was what the parenting experts like to call "a teachable moment." It taught the lesson that dad loves his family and football. And while mom loves her family, she hates football. But does love rolling around on the mat with a man who is not her husband learning all the moves, holds, maneuvers, positions and possibly consensual chokes. And because she chose to tomcat around behind the back of one of the most admired, celebrated, accomplished and devoted men on Earth, all the comedians had a good time making fun of her. 

As they say, in comedy there is truth. That's why the court jesters were allowed to say to the king things no one else could get away with without being thrown in the dungeon. The kids were going to find out sooner or later that Brady is still beloved and Gisele is the bad guy in all of this. I say it's better they learn it from Jeff Ross than on the streets. Fortunately, the GOAT doesn't have to do another roast. This one served its purpose just fine.