Stella Blue Coffee | Win A Game Day Experience With Big CatLEARN MORE

Advertisement

Are Apes Better Than Humans? Planet Of The Apes Stars Freya Allen And Owen Teague Say They Are "Team Ape"

Yes, of course. The classic, "Who's Better: Humans or Apes?" debate that's been raging for years. Would the world be better off if monkey's were in charge instead of us? Planet of the Apes' stars Freya Allen and Owen Teague (humans) certainly seem to think so. 

Naturally, two Hollywood actors (human actors) preaching to the world from their high horses, shaming our species for ruining the environment, will inevitably launch a political debate that will end up so far away from the original point that we'll completely forget the whole argument started with two random Brits proclaiming they were "Team Ape" when doing an interview for an ape movie.

I'm having a hard time choosing a side myself. Humans and apes both bring lots of great things to the table. They brings plenty of bad things as well. Let's take a quick overview of positives and negatives, "just off the top of my head".

Advertisement


Human Positives:

Harnessed a form of energy that results from the existence of charged electrons or protons (electricity), and use it for lighting, heating and cooling, refrigerating food, powering appliances, cars, public transportation, computers, heavy machinery, etc. 

Communicate face-to-face with each other using one, or a combination of 7,136 different complex languages. 

Created a network of billions of interconnected computers capable of communicating with each other from opposite ends of the world in the matter of seconds, and makes it possible for us to access almost any bit information in an instant using a device that fits in the palm of our hands. 

Developed the technology to combat, cure, and in many cases wipe once deadly diseases off the face of the earth entirely. Diseases such as malaria, polio, rubella, smallpox, lymphatic filariasis, measles, diphtheria, yaws, mumps, dracunculiasis, cysticercosis, river blindness, AIDS, etc. 

Built airplanes capable of transporting hundreds of people at a time from one side of the world to the other at speeds exceeding 5,000 mph at an altitude of 40,000 feet.

Created a space program that has sent astronauts to the moon, landed spacecraft on the surface of Mars, and built an international space station that forever orbits earth and serves as a home to crews of astronauts who research the mysteries of the universe from state-of-the-art laboratories. 

Opposable thumbs


Ape Positives:

VERY strong

VERY loud

Climb trees at exceptional speeds and swing effortlessly from branch to branch

Communicate with fellow apes using Gorilla Sign Language (GSL) that features more than 1000 different hand signals. Can also communicate using various facial expressions, and roughly 25 different sounds

Opposable thumbs


Human Negatives

Commit close to 500,000 murders across the world each year

Committed 37 recognized genocides since the turn of the 20th century. 

Rampant cases of rape and sexual assault

Created a completely ineffective and horribly executed prison system.

The abuse of innocent children for their own personal gain (Joseph Kony)

Waging international war that results in the deaths of millions upon millions of people, military personnel and innocent civilians alike.

Everything politicians do on a daily basis.

Drove the dodo bird, passenger pigeons, and woolly mammoths to extinction.

The use of religion to extort money out of sad people who are in search of meaning in their lives (Joel Osteen) 

Caused irreversible damage to the environment to the point where there's a 95% chance we go instinct entirely in less than 8 million years. 


Ape Negatives

Acts of violence are common among 3 of the 4 species of apes

High levels of aggression show by males apes to female apes

Maybe rape? (But not really. From what I gather there are different schools of thought on this. The way apes go about sexual intercourse is so vastly different from the way humans do, it's not really fair to just apply a loaded word like rape to them. But in the ape community, males certainly demonstrate high levels of sexual coercion when it comes to females. Take that for what it's worth.)

Inability to organize professional sports leagues or produce media.

Play with their own poop


So I suppose it depends on how you look at things. Depends on how much weight you put on each positive and negative. I think it's fair to say that an earth run by humans causes for more problems than an earth run by apes would. Even some of the positives about humans may not be so great in the grand scheme of thigs. Are we sure the invention of the internet is good? Remember Two Girls, One Cup? Meatspin.com? Have you ever seen the family that makes TikTok's from Costco?

Advertisement

We're all significantly worse off for watching that Costco family play Boom or Doom, and we have the internet to thank for that.

Humans undoubtedly do a lot of fucked up shit. But if I'm being completely honest with myself. If I look way down deep inside of my soul. I'm going to have to go with Team Human on this one. The fact that I am a human myself is really what pushed me to the human side of the debate. Don't get me wrong Team Ape people, I wish the environment was in better shape too. I won't deny that humans have had a few whoopsie-daisies throughout the course of history. But if I'm Team Ape, that in turn means I'm pro-apes taking over the world. When I picture a world where apes are in charge instead of humans, I have to consider how my life would look. I have a feeling it would go one of two ways. I would either be…

A) Enslaved by violent primates who keep us locked away in cages and only release us to farm bananas and pick bugs off their backs 

OR

B) Non-existent (dead)

That might sound all fine and dandy to Freya Allen and Owen Teague, but me personally? I would personally rip out every single tree in the rainforest and replace the land with parking garages that nobody would ever use before I conceded to the apes. I'm sorry of that offends. 

Are the lives of humans really more important just because we have vastly more capable brains and a significantly better understanding and appreciation of life? Do we really deserve to have control of this planet simply because we are smarter, and have used the tools at our disposal to ascend to the top of the food chain? Does that really make us better? Yes. Yes it does. That's how things work.