A Deluge Of Pleasurable Sexual Moans Interrupted Luka Doncic's Presser; Unclear If Participant Was Digital Or Nearby
Simple pleasures, folks. This has all the markings of a nerdy journalist opening up his laptop, having forgotten that he last closed it on the bitten lips of some undressed milflette in full throat. Maybe his mother walked in on him. Maybe he never had a chance. Either way, many of us have been there. And panic doesn't even begin to do this feeling justice.
Strangely, we hear FOUR full moans. Four! That gives further credence to the open laptop theory. For often in that scenario, simply closing the laptop again doesn't stop the scene. Somehow, thanks to some black magic/karmic tax, many laptops will continue to play the scene after you've already shut them again.
Of course, it is possible that something else is at play here. It's hard to imagine, but there may be a pair of fully naked, thrusting humans having sexual intercourse just twenty feet from this crowd of reporters. The moans are so clear that I don't picture them behind a door, in some utility closet filled with microphone cords and folding chairs. How so many people have completely missed these two people fucking each other out in the open is a mystery. But I suppose Luka Doncic is pretty captivating, and all eyes are forward.
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Luka doesn't like this theory. "I hope that isn't live," he says. Ok Boomer Gen Z. Classic 25-year-old not wanting people to have sex because none of them have sex and our population is declining at unsustainable levels due to their selfish, prudish ways. Why wouldn't you want that to be live, Luka? It's much better live.
Those are the first two theories. Theory #3 is that this was a dare. Or some hazing requirement for entry into a club. Doubtful that it's a frat, given that it's May. Perhaps there's some secret society of NBA reporters who eat fun dinners together in the restaurants of Hiltons around the country. Entry is determined by peer nomination and, once proposed, one must prove one's worth by playing pornographic audio at full volume during an all-star's post game press conference. Seems a bit juvenile but I'm certainly not above laughing at it.