I was DROWNING in snatch last weekend.

First off, I should apologize to Richelle Ryan for making her the thumbnail of a blog with such a vulgar title, but I took that picture with her during the weekend I am about to write about and I thought her image would be eye-catching on the Main Page... Plus, I look DAMN GOOD in that new Canelo swag.

Here it is again...

But onto the snatch!

That old bitch Merriam-Webster defines the word snatch as "an attempt to seize something suddenly."  And then she attached an example of how "snatch" might be used in a sentence: My eagle went crazy after he swooped down and snatched a smelly fish.

Giphy Images.

Meanwhile, the Urban Dictionary defines that same word as "a vulgar term for a vagina."  And the usage example they gave: My muscular girlfriend went crazy when I was eating her smelly snatch.

Giphy Images.

Both definitions are equally identifiable, and the reason I bring it up is because "snatch" came up more this weekend than it has in recent memory… Therefore, I was technically drowning in snatch while I was in Las Vegas.

I get dad jokes sent to me all the time… And I love them.  While on the flight out West last Thursday, I was sent the following zinger…

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?

One snatches your watch, the other watches your snatch!

It's an old joke that I have heard a dozen times before but makes me giggle every time.  And that was the first time I heard the word "snatch" in perhaps months. 

I arrived at my hotel and immediately went down to the casino floor to play cards when a member of a group of kids on a bachelor party weekend said to his buddy, "That stripper had her snatch in your face all night."

That was snatch number two in the span of only 6 hours, and the weekend had barely begun.

Got me thinkin'- Where do we rank the Urban Dictionary version of snatch in terms of vulgarness compared to other vaginal nicknames?

I believe "cunt" is still number one with a bullet… 

Giphy Images.


Although my British cousins use it as a term of endearment, the c-word is second only to the n-word in terms of being recognizable from its first initial, and we here in the United States find cunt to be more offensive than almost all other curses.  Using cunt colloquially has probably ended marriages and has definitely ended careers.  It carries the most weight and leaves very little to the imagination.

Sure, cunt is great, but my personal favorite is "twat".

Please take this the wrong way… I have always had a soft spot in my heart for twat.

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I use it quite regularly.  Most recently, to describe one of my least favorite coworkers… Whose name I will never reveal, but, rest assured, they are a fucking twat.

Going back to my European cousins, although we may use "cunt" for different things, we are simpatico when it comes to calling someone a twat.  The only difference is in Britain and Ireland, the usual pronunciation rhymes with "hat", while Americans most often use the pronunciation that rhymes with "squat".  

Tomato/tomahto, and if you argue about which is the proper pronunciation then CONGRATULATIONS!… You're a twat.

Then there are the animal references… "Pussy" or "kitty" are both widely accepted as replacements for vaginas.

I've never understood the "beaver" reference but have been told it originates from the 15th century when sex workers were expected to wear merkins made of beaver pelt during a lice epidemic.  I've also been told the beaver connection is because they (beavers and vaginas) both eat wood.

Giphy Images.

Other terms for female pudenda that are more benign, silly, or rarely used…

  • Bearded Clam
  • VJ Khaled
  • Baby Cannon
  • Ham Wallet
  • Power Flower
  • Stink Wrinkle
  • Whisker Biscuit
  • Dick Mitten
  • Cum Dumpster
  • Hillary
  • The South Mouth
  • The Shame Cave 
  • The Cockpit
  • Axe Wound
  • Lebron James

But this blog is about snatch… HOWEVER, lemme just mention one more thing, and then I will get back to our main subject.

I was at the weigh-in for Canelo vs Munguia, and since Jaime Munguia is promoted by Oscar de la Hoya's Golden Boy Promotions, Oscar's long-time girlfriend Holly Sonders was there as well.


Holly has been known to take chances with her wardrobe, and she took a big one that day wearing a flesh-colored catsuit that was adorned with the assets of a STACKED, tattooed, pierced, and (most importantly) naked woman.

I thought the look was a fucking homerun compared to what everyone else was wearing, and Holly and I wound up going back and forth in my DMs because Instagram took down her selfies in the outfit while allowing my tagged pics of her to remain on my timeline.

Similar to my apology above to Richelle, I didn't set out to include Holly in a blog with such a rude title… But I thoroughly enjoyed her outfit that day and felt compelled to share it with you all.

Now that I have cleared that up, back to the snatch.

I call my wife right before I turn in whenever I am on the road, and I casually mentioned my snatch sightings while we were chatting. She said the word was nostalgic because it reminded her of an old joke about a hair dye made by Clairol… Apparently, women in the 80s would joke around about buying enough dye to not only color your head but also cover your pubic hair… Thereby matching the carpet with the drapes… And the joke was…

CLAIROL- By the whole batch and get the snatch to match!

Giphy Images.

I never heard that one before, but I am glad it is in my mind palace from this day forward.

Sunday morning, I got to the Las Vegas airport very early for a 6 AM flight home, and I bumped into the same kids I saw at the tables that Thursday… The ones that said, "That stripper had her snatch in your face all night."

This time, one member of their crew recognized me from my consistent DOMINATION on The Dozen, and we got to talking while we were waiting to board.  I mentioned the whole "snatch" situation and they mentioned how their group uses the word purposefully and often… Three of them play in an adult hoops league for a team named "The Body SNATCHers".  We sat at the gate and must've used the word a dozen times or so, and chatted about how I would eventually mention their posse when I pen this blog (shout out Tim, another Tim, Brian, Jeff, and Greg).


And to close this blog… After a weekend in Vegas chock-filled with boxing and snatch, when I finally boarded my flight home, I immediately perused the movie options available in First Class before my edible kicked in.  And I'll give you one guess what movie jumped out at me?…

Giphy Images.

Fucking Guy Ritchie's 2000 crime-comedy…

Columbia. Shutterstock Images.

It was destiny… So I dialed it up, tucked myself in, and enjoyed the perfect ending to a snatch-laden weekend.

Take a report.


There is another HUGE fight this weekend… This time in a snatch-less Saudi Arabia, so I will not be in attendance.  But I broke it down alongside Tyson Fury, Shannon Briggs, and Dale Earnhardt Jr.