Antonio Brown Squashes His Beef With Caitlin Clark. For About 10 Seconds. Then He Gets Right Back on the Attack Like the Crackpot He Is.

Jared C. Tilton. Getty Images.

While Antonio Brown was metaphorically setting fire to the abstract bridges that connected him to Pittsburgh, Las Vegas, New England and Tampa Bay, rather than earn a nice living with them using his God-given talent for catching footballs, it wasn't hard to imagine his career ending at the age of 33. 

Just as easy to picture was what his post-NFL life would be like. I mean, maybe no one saw his insane, disastrous ownership of the Albany Empire arena team happening:

But there wasn't a man, woman or child among us who thought he'd end up as a coach, executive, Hedge Fund manager, youth pastor or candidate for public office. 

I think we all knew that Brown was destined to become in his retirement years what he was as a working professional. An agent of chaos. 

If anyone embodies the idea of a how some men aren't looking for anything logical like money; they can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with, they just want to watch the social media world burn, it's AB. 

Sometimes, his posts are actually as funny as they are on-point. Like this one in response to a blog I wrote:

Most of the time though, they're just nonsensical. Random. Like Brown picks someone that everyone is talking about and goes after them for reasons known only to himself. And a while ago, he inexplicably put Caitlin Clark in his crosshairs. Including, though not limited to, calling her Cousin It:

It's a very Trumpian move to slap a derogatory nickname on your opponent and force them to waste time and effort trying to make it go away. Why Caitlyn Clark? Why compare her the hirsute, nonverbal relative of the Addams Family? What did she do to Brown to be tarred with this epithet? Your guess is as good as mine. But my money is on there being no reason. None whatsoever. He simply wanted to watch her world burn. And if making obtuse references to the personal grooming habits of her intimate areas, will get that fire started, so much the better in his weirdo mind:

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Which prompted the response you'd expect from the most celebrated athlete of 2024 so far, who has bigger fish to fry than having a back-and-forth with an unhinged lunatic desperate to get a rise out of her:

Let me just add here that Gregg Doyel got suspended and taken off the WNBA beat for being marginally less creepy and stalkery:

… but also that AB is immune from that kind of punishment since he has no job. Unemployment is not without its privileges.

But Brown is also still a celebrity, such as it is. And that status provides him with the opportunity Doyel won't get for a while, which is to speak publicly. Specifically to talk to Jason Whitlock about his peculiar, one-way beef with a WNBA star:

Where he revealed, kind of shockingly, that he's a fan:

"Caitlin Clark, we love you. There's no drama here. I'm excited about what you're going to do for women's basketball. You're an amazing player. I love to watch your game, You bring a lot of excitement and energy. 

"Never mind, CTESPN would love to have you talk. Express what you deal with. Your traumas. Your adversities. How you continue to be great. For people like me in the media bringing awareness to you, maybe the wrong or the right, it's all on positivity. It's all on fun and games. 

"Continue to be great. Keep the focus on being the best athlete you can be. Continue to lead women's sports. Pioneering it, the way you want to pioneer it. I have a daughter, they look up to you. They look up to everything you guys are doing. So shout out to you Caitlin Clark." 

Wow. All I can say is wow. That was, dare I say it, beautiful. Respectful. Conciliatory. Appreciative. Inspirational, even. The sort of humble, contrite, heartfelt feelings I've never heard Brown express. And didn't think he was capable of. Consider me impressed. 

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And had the interview ended there, it would've been perfect. Remember though, when Ned Stark said, "Everything before the word 'but' is bullshit"? With Brown, there's always a "but":

"And if it's hairy, don't worry about it."

That is the very definition of not leaving well enough alone. Let's go to Whitlock for his live reaction:

That is the heavy sigh of every wife who's husband tells a sex joke in polite company. And Brown is the guy who thought the joke killed, and isn't yet aware of the hell he's in for on the ride home. 

The man just can't help himself. Not even when he's trying to do the right thing. Both by being gracious to someone he's been attacking for some unknown reason. And in trying to support the noble cause of pubic hair growth. If he hadn't made this personal, we could all rally behind him in his effort to stamp out pube-shaming and empower women to bring back the bush before it goes extinct. But this was neither the time nor the forum to bring it up. It was inappropriate. It was in bad taste. And it cancelled out all the kind sentiments he'd expressed before. I'd say "Be better, Antonio." But this cracker knows that's not possible.