The Denver Nuggets Deserve This Mini-Roast For Getting Fried With Sweet And Sour On The Side

AAron Ontiveroz. Getty Images.

Guess who's back?

DEFENSE MOTHER FUCKER! Effort. Pride. Giving a shit. The Minnesota Timberwolves came out and brought it against the defending champion Denver Nuggets in the most refreshing NBA game I think I've seen in years. Refreshing in the sense that it gives me hope this can be a tipping point for the league to prioritize defense. Not just the teams and players, but refs too. Let these guys play. If the Timberwolves can usurp the champs in the fashion they are doing, just maybe everyone else will aim to copy it. 

I will be zero surprised if Denver comes back and wins this series, but this game was so hilariously bad for Denver in their own unique little ways it deserves a mini roast. Tony Hinchcliffe and Nikki Glaser got me fired up so much from the Brady roast that not even Ben Affleck could ruin it. 


All I really want to do is help the Nuggets turn this around. Let's learn from our mistakes. I have a few ideas. 

Idea #1: Consider not playing defense like the Black Knight from Monte Python. 

I'm a little tempted to steal the Art But Make It Sports Twitter account bit and do a cinema offshoot with this banger. Just hilarious. Reggie Miller did a fellow Reggie dirty and called it the proposal in a very rare Reggie Miller W. My favorite part is Jackson's poker face. There he is staring down Ant square in the eyes. Ready to shuffle those knees one way or the other. Say what you want about Reggie Jackson, but that boy stood tall there at 5,282 ft above sea level. Built different. 

Credit to Jackson for staying in the game. I would have ran out of there on one leg if I that's all I had out of sheer embarrassment. 

I certainly hope Reggie is OK, but it's objectively funny watching him ditch his helpers and hop hastily on one leg down the hallway like he just got a u up text while sitting on the toilet for too long. Tough night for Reggie. 

Idea #2: Stay the course - Maybe the Timberwolves defensive chemistry won't be the same in Game 3 when they get the surefire DPOY back in the starting lineup


Rudy Gobert was absent from the game for becomming a daddy off the court while Anthony Edwards became Reggie Jackson's on the court. Gobert is sitting around -3,500 or so to win DPOY and the fact that it's not even that dumb a thought to keep him on the bench to play this lineup out FOR DEFENSIVE REASONS must be demoralizing. I know they won't, but why the hell not? Whatever chemistry they have going on is frying the Nuggets better than McDonalds. 

Idea #3: Force everyone to foul out except Monte Morris

Sorry for the stray, Monte. But damn. 

This was too funny to not run some stats on. Surprisingly, it's not that rare for a winning team to have 12 players with a positive plus/minus and just one with zero or negative. It just happened with Bradley "Guaranteed deal" Beal last month:

Definitely putting a pin in this idea. After running a pull on the data, there's been over 100 such instances just in the past few years, so a full deep dive into the most successful dead weight in NBA history could make for a must read stand alone blog. 

Idea #4: Continue taking unique tactics until they call a foul


Glad to see they didn't throw in the towel at least. Jamal, this isn't typically what they mean when someone asks for a heat check in basketball. I read the warning label on one of these things which said they are not to be used on children, so I guess it's good Jamal got it out of his hands as quick as possible. 

In fairness, we don't have all the facts yet to convict Murray so we should respect the legal process and let it play out. 

It's late. That's all I got. What an absolutely bizarre game for the Nuggets. Who would have thought they'd be the team completely losing composure and not so quitely quiting? Can't wait to see what happens in Game 3. Now up 2-0, we'll see if Minnesota capitalizes on another heat check.

That is, if Jamal Murray is there to provide it.