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Nicky Smokes Has The Worst Pit Stains Of All Time But Jersey Jerry Had The Correct Solution: Women's Deodorant

 

This is Nicholas Smokes. You probably know him as the Broussard that Harvard-educated employee Francis Ellis spends his time worrying about. Personally, I am a day 1 Nicky Smokes guy. He's so uniquely himself and doesn't try to be anything he's not. In a way, he's entirely too comfortable with who he is, sort of like Ben Mintz. Like at some point you gotta look into the mirror and decide to make some changes, but that's also what makes Barstool so special, we just have a bunch of mentally ill people with holes in their brains running around an insane asylum. 

But anyway, Nicky Smokes has a severe problem with sweating. That picture above isn't after running a marathon, he's profusely sweating from typing 76 words while watching TV. I only sweat that much when I see a missed call from Dave, because my mind immediately assumes Greenie slipped in a racial slur in one of his 8,000 word Celtics breakdowns that I "read" and "edited". 

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But simply put, you should not be in a place of work with pit stains the size of the Atlantic. Especially when the place of work basically doubles as a t-shirt factory. Fuckin' Big Cat is a world-renowned hoarder, he quite literally turned a pile of garbage and shitty Cubs tshirts into content. There are tshirts hanging from the god damn rafters. But Nicky still sat there in the gambling cave like a neanderthal, smelling up the joint. Gross. 

However, I'm not here to pit stain shame. It happens to all of us. But you cannot rest and just let it happen, you have to take action. And Jersey Jerry gave Nicky Smokes the correct solution- women's deodorant. 

 

 

As Jerry would say, "it was always women's deodorant". 

About 6 months ago out of nowhere I started sweating more than I had ever sweat. I have no idea why, but my pits were going absolutely bonkers. And then it happened- I was in DC and couldn't stand it anymore. My Degree deodorant was simply not working at all. So I went over to the CVS to find a new deodorant and I typed into Google "best deodorant to stop sweating" and it told me…Secret for women. This:

 

 

And fellas, it WORKS. Works like gangbusters, I tell ya. If my sweat before it was a 10/10, it's now a humble 3/10. I have no idea why it works better, but I swear by it. I'll never use anything else again. Plus I smell delightful! So Nicky Smokes, this is what you need to do. You can't sit there like a sweaty mess. You can't be at a bar with your left pit stain meeting your right pit stain like some sort of pit stain Pangea. Get Secret and never look back.