The Trailer For Tom Brady's Netflix Roast Has Dropped and We're Only 2 Weeks Away From It Streaming Live

(Why does TB12 look like John Cena in this?)

Yahoo -    The time has come for Tom Brady to get roasted to a crisp on live television. And this time, he won't even be playing football.

Netflix announced Monday morning the former New England Patriots and Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback will be mercilessly mocked by an all-star lineup of athletes and comedians on "The Greatest Roast of All Time: Tom Brady." The special, which was first announced in May 2022, will be broadcast live on Sunday, May 5, at 8 p.m. ET on Netflix.

That is what Brady will be up against May 5. He's all smiles now, but let's see how he looks at the 90-minute mark when yet another one of his friends steps up to the mic with more jokes about his weird eating habits, his hilarious unretirement and, of course, his divorce from one of the most stunning and successful supermodels in the entire world, Gisele Bündchen.

But that's what a roast is, and that's what Brady signed up for. Will he still be smiling by the end of his roast, or will he have a dead-eyed fake smile pasted on his face while he stares into the middle distance, wondering how he ended up here, with his marriage and legendary, hard-earned football career reduced to a couple of gags at the Netflix chuckle factory? We only have to wait until May 5 to find out.

First off, chill the fuck out yahoo writer Liz Roscher. Of course this was written by a fellow scorned woman. They hate to see each other succeed and do well but God damn it do they unite and take up arms for each other anytime one is done dirty by a man.

But anyway, let's talk about the roast shall we?

This was announced back in December and somehow, someway, Jerry let me have the scraps to blog about it.

Barstool Sports - You might be thinking, "how on Earth do you roast Tom Brady?"

That's like roasting Mother Theresa.

Not to mention, it's not exactly like Brady has provided much fodder over the years except for some possible hair plugs, and two crippling Super Bowl losses to a guy who breathes through his mouth. The man's idea of a wild night out is treating himself to some gluten.

Mark Twain famously said, "Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. And explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog; you learn a lot in the process, but in the end, you kill it’."

When you think about it, we are all, even the smartest, most graceful, and gifted- walking, talking, mistakes. God's a prankster like that. If you can't laugh at yourself, what are we even doing here anymore?

There's no greater evidence of this than the person who is arguably the largest embodiment of true, greatness, in human form, Tom Brady, opening himself up to be ridiculed and flambeed for all the world to watch.  

Count me all the way in for this.

I'm not sure if a bunch of the comics slated for this originally backed out, or were taken off, or what the case is, but Netflix is now saying the only people "confirmed" for this are Kevin Hart, Jeffrey Ross, and a bunch of "mystery guests". 

Orginally here's who they had - 

Speaking of which, Chris Rock will do very well on this roster. He never holds back either. (Unless he's getting emasculated by sexually curious movie stars at awards shows.) 

I have no idea who Ali Wong is, no offense, and Chelsea Handler seems like she's on here to check some boxes and keep the females interested if nothing else. But John Mulaney, Bert Kreisher, Jon Stewart, David Letterman and Tom Segura should all flame Brady pretty well and make for some highly entertaining jokes.

That's a pretty stacked lineup. I didn't know who Ali Wong was when I wrote that blog but then I watched Beef and I'm a fan. But my point I made in that original blog still remains- if Netflix has any brains, they will see to it that Julian Edelman and The Emperor Bill Belichick are on this dais. Come hell or high water.

Not sure how in tune people are with Edelman's podcast he's been pumping hard this past year but he's pretty fucking hilarious. 

He isn't afraid to rib people pretty good or hold back and you know he will absolutely light Brady up for this.

Belichick, despite what the haters think, is one of the funniest people of all time. I don't think anybody in the world, including his ex-wife and kids, has spent more time with Brady over the past 20 years than him so there's nobody with more material at his disposal than BB. I'm praying he's on this lineup.

Plus, after the hit job Apple and John Kraft did on him, this would be a great way for Belichick to even further redeem himself with the free-thinking public.

Lastly, as much as it pains me to say this, I think we need Peyton up there. The guy, despite being a tier 2 quarterback, is fucking funny. There's no taking that away from him. He loves to goad TB12 and I can see him landing some real zingers. 

All in all, lets hope Netflix doesn't load this dais up with a bunch of comics and celebrities nobody fucking knows or cares about and who have zero in common with Brady. Give us the people who really know him from football, Chris Rock, the greatest roaster (since Don Rickles), Jeffrey Ross, and a couple other vicious comics and call it a day. Don't overthink it. 

p.s. any chance I get to float this idea concerning "roasts" I'm gonna do it. 

I said this in a blog around the time of the Barstool Awards where Nate gave one of the best roasts of all time to the surprise of everybody in attendance. But we desperately, desperately need a Dave Portnoy Roast for his 50 birthday next year. Bring out everybody for it. There would be no shortage of people looking to jump in, and attend. We're in the live events business once again now that he owns the company. He's always boasted that he could sell out The Garden in Boston. This is how we do it. I know you degenerates wouldn't pay $10 to live stream it but tell me you wouldn't pay $9. You can't. You know you would. It would make bank, and make for some comedy gold. I'm really looking forward to this idea being hijacked from me and happening.