Top 5 Jobs in Pro Sports

As someone who's been a barista at Starbucks, check-in guy at a golf course, pizza maker, delivery driver, cruise-line sales rep, logistics broker, and a health insurance agent, I can say without a doubt that working at Barstool is the greatest job I've ever had. Some would even call it the greatest job in the world, and I'd agree. Unless I was athletically gifted enough to do one of the following:

5. Player-Coach

Elsa. Getty Images.

In Miami, we call this role the "UD." Being a player-coach is one of the best jobs in pro sports. You get all the perks of being a player while not playing. Deep down, every coach wants to put on a jersey, go through lay-up lines, hit a couple of shots, and be able to get a drink with his players without having to worry about them treating you differently because you're their "boss." The player-coach doesn't have to worry about that; this is the guy who has the beers on ice and the joints rolled the second the guys get back on the bus. You have the respect of the locker room, and the only thing you have to do is show up for warm-ups and guide the young bucks. It doesn't get easier than that.

4. DH

Maddie Meyer. Getty Images.

As someone who can't make contact with a 60 mph pitch I have no business putting this on my list, but I could only imagine how fun it would be to stuff your face all day and just rake. No one gives a fuck about how fast you can run or how good your glove is, they only give a fuck about whether or not you can hit bombs. Plus, hitting bombs is the ultimate thirst trap, nothing gets a girl wet like a guy who pimps balls 450 to dead center for a living. 

Fit Bird: "So what do you do for work?"

DH: "I hit bombs"

Fit Bird: "Fuck me"

DH: "Say less"

3. NBA Bench Player

Carmen Mandato. Getty Images.

I have no clue who's in this photo, so if he's a star player who happens to be injured, I apologize. But being the 8th-9th man on an NBA team is every man's dream. You basically get paid millions of dollars to have season ticket court-side seats. You get the perks of being in the locker room, with women flocking to you just because you're in the league, despite not getting any minutes. It's perfect. Plus, when they call your number to play, no one really cares if you do good or bad. You get all the perks of being an NBA player without having to worry about people following you around with their cell phones out, recording everything you do. Which is why that idiot on Toronto is the biggest clown to walk this Earth. The man was making millions to sit on the bench and gave it all up to win $20,000 betting the under on his props. SMH.

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2. Middle of The Pack Golfer

Sam Greenwood. Getty Images.

I'll tell you what, not many people are living a better life than Joel Dahmen. You could honestly make a case for this being #1. Guys like Joel Dahmen and Kevin Kisner have come out and said they know they have no chance of winning, but as long as they make the cut and get paid, they're happy, and I don't blame them! You don't have to worry about having the weight of the world on your shoulders on every golf shot you hit, you don't have to worry about some random bum on social media DMing you death threats because you missed a putt. All you have to do is show up for two days, play your heart out, and everything after that is just a cherry on top.

1. Back-Up Quarterback

Ronald Martinez. Getty Images.

I don't know why, but when I hear the word "back-up QB," I instantly think of Brian Hoyer. It's the best job in the world. Ask any guy in the world what the best job in the world is, and they'll tell you: back-up QB. Obviously, being the starter is elite, but fuck all that. You mean to tell me I can get paid millions just to stand on the sidelines and hold a clipboard? Where do I sign? And let's be real, the birds don't care if you start or not. Once you're in the NFL, they know what the deal is. Alex Moran had it right; being the back-up clears being the starter.