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Getting Sued Sucks: How The Campaign Is Fighting Back (We Got a Lawyer)

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So, getting sued on multiple fronts is pretty stressful. I hate litigation; it has spiraled into something that is used to harm others rather than its original purpose of helping those who are harmed. I have just been getting bombarded by these gigantic boxes of papers 

Before I realized they were papers, I honestly thought it may have been a bomb. There is no reason to be printing out this much paper. Lawyers kill far too many trees a year, in my opinion. I mean, The box was so heavy I thought it could be an IED. 

The guy was serving me the papers, and I had a laugh. I was like, "Sorry, this is my first time". After I had pointed the open end of the box at him like a wild animal was about to jump out. He thought it was funny, at least. It's a huge adrenaline rush to have a guy just ringing your doorbell for 15 minutes straight, and then you finally have to make a decision about what to do. Do you keep ignoring it? (My doorbell was really annoying, and my dog was going nuts.) Do you go out and just get super confrontational? Or do you nut up and grab that box and open it quickly to blow up both you and the carrier? Yes, these are all totally irrational fears that local politicians would try to blow me up.

The thing is I would have never expected that I would be so viciously litigated against just for collecting enough signatures to get on the ballot. I mean, I have three different people who are legally trying to get me off the ballot. Something I am learning about politics is that it costs a shit ton of money to do all this shit. I mean, asking people for money sucks; you always feel like a bum doing it. No wonder these politicians are all so insecure. Thanks to all the stoolies who have donated, I was able to avoid having to represent myself in court and able to hire a lawyer. This is very lucky because demonstrating to the judge how I am fighting the swamp using an allegory to Swamp People on the History Channel shooting alligators would not hold up in court. 

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Was I naive to think just hard work, a little bit of fundraising, and social media would be able to get me on the ballot? Absolutely.

Now, I have to fight in the court of law instead of just following good, good American democracy. So if this guy wants to nullify my signatures by stupid metrics like "Illegible signature" or "Registered, just not at the listed address," then I am going to get all of his signatures expunged because we figured out he doesn't actually live with his parents where he has filed all his paperwork. 

Tbh, most young people do this because they have to move around so much in the modern housing market where you need to rent for so long and guys can't buy houses. No judgment if this guy actually lives with his parents. The wildest spin of this entire run is that George Santos has unsolicitedly given his endorsement of me as well as started to attack the establishment candidate who has been trying to take everyone off the ballot. 

Look, I need all the help I can get. Santos backing me is not something I condone, but to not accept help is to quit. The battle hasn't even begun. We have a long road till June 25th, and at the end of this standoff with Mike Lipetri, there may be no one standing. So Mike just drop the cases and duke it out on the ballots. I know I have been asking you all for donations, but this time I have something to give you in return so I don't feel like a bum. We have merch! (Dave didn't want to go to jail, so that's why it's not on the barstool store) (The lawyers wrote up a whole thing to show it was legal, but it didn't matter) Please consider buying some merch to help me pay for all these court cases I am currently embroiled in. Hell, hopefully, we get to the point where I can really start campaigning, throwing rallies and ragers. Start having fun in the next generation of politics. Please check out the store!

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