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Fuck The Incompetent And Lazy United States Postal Service

Oh no, here comes the "Quit making videos and get back to blogging" crowd. To quote Robert F. Kennedy's future Vice President: R-E-L-A-X. The 48-Hour Chicago Film Fest kicked my butt the past couple days, but I'm back on the keyboard this morning. And I come here today with my fingers in home row to let you all in on the worst kept secret in this once great country: the United States Postal Service fucking SUCKS.

I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to see the good in them. But I subscribe to Major League Baseball's rules of batting: three strikes and you're out. And in this week alone, I've watched them swing and miss on three fastballs right down the dick. Tell me where I'm wrong here:

Strike 1: The main Post Office in Chicago closed down an hour early from it's posted hours on April 14th, the day before Tax Day.


I'll be the first to admit that I mishandled my tax situation. The fact that I should've paid someone and that I should've filed online both are true, but that's not the point of this blog and doesn't excuse the incompetence and laziness of the USPS. I'm sure someone is ready to scroll to the bottom and say that I was the incompetent and lazy one here, but you're missing the point. I'll admit I was wrong, but closing down an hour early on the hands down most important Post Office day of the year is embarrassing to the point of being disgusting. A public employee lazily closing down early and stopping citizens from paying their taxes.....? That's a rant for another time, but it was the ultimate foreshadowing of what was to come.

So I go back the next day and drop off my mail, then I ask why I have been in Chicago for 4 weeks now and have received a grand total of ZERO MAIL. Their response:

Strike 2: The Post Office refuses to deliver mail to my apartment building until the Mail Room is declared safe.

I was like, huh? They said yep your apartment notified us (but not me?) that your mail room is under construction, and until it's safe to....deliver mail....they would be making me come to the post office to get my mail.

Side note: here's a picture of my mail room as of this morning:

I don't know if it's miscommunication or laziness or a combination of both, but I think someone could pop into this danger zone for a few minutes and save the tenants a 2-mile trip to the central Post Office location in Chicago.

Anyways, I say, ummm okay? But also is there a way for me to decipher when I get important mail or junk mail? Like, there might be a week that passes where I don't get anything important….so I won't walk two miles / Uber there. But if I get an unexpected bill or IRS letter or check, maybe I'd want to come that day. Incompetent lady (sorry if that was redundant) said, oh we have a great service for that! Sign up for this and we'll take a picture of the mail that comes through here each day for you, so you'll know when to come!


Sounds good, I signed up for it….and here's the first email I got today.

Strike 3: The service they suggested to take pictures of my incoming mail did not provide a picture of my mail. 

WHAT THE FUCK? What piece of mail could you not take a picture of? And if anyone says to me, it means it's junk mail and it's not important……then why did they even send me this? Now I'm sitting here wondering if this was the weekly grocery ad or if it's the IRS informing me that I did so poorly on my taxes that they're sending me to jail.

The incompetency of this establishment, specifically the Chicago location, has me ready to burn some mail in protest tonight…but I don't have any to burn. And I'd be willing to call off the fight if they sent me an apology letter, but it seems like I'd never even get it. Fuck the USPS. 

* Is this going to get me on some list where they turn my F service into flat out headaches? If so, fuck you guys, but I retract.