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For The Record: A Solid Lunch Always Trumps A Nice Fancy Dinner

VeselovaElena. Getty Images.

That's a solid lunch and this is a necessary blog. 

I shared a spirited debate the other day with a stranger at the post office. We were all pissed off to begin with. But then this guy behind me started ragging on lunch for no reason. Sounded like his old lady wanted a bowl of chili. 

She didn't look hungry but chili sounded nice. That's what I thought at least. 

The husband had a different attitude. He sized her up and down said, "you and fuckin lunch" like it was a drug addiction. Like she had already ruined their lives many times over in her selfish pursuit of lunch. Fuckin lunch. 

We've got a nice dinner at 5:30. Can't we just wait for the crab legs? 

This went on long enough for me to interject. Maybe 9 seconds. 

A bowl of soup never hurt anyone. I said and shrugged. Something to think about, right? Just a little chili. Touch of sour cream. Take or leave the diced onion. 

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This man stared at me like I stepped on a land mine and that land mine was his dick. 

Cool it buddy.

It became tense but instantly defused because I'm naturally a defusor. But the message was clear. This guy wanted crab legs on an empty stomach and I was in the way. 

Some playful banter followed. He was probably more pissed than I would have liked but again, we're in a post office. That's like playoff hockey. Everyone's skating hard with a chip on their shoulder. Horrible place and time to be a huge pussy. 

In the same vein/vain/veign/vane: hard to beat a solid lunch. And nobody's saying don't eat both. A lot of people eat lunch and dinner on the same day. In fact, there's a very good chance you prefer both. 

I think that's normal. 

However, this was a narrow issue. This was a case of a man actively denying himself of a solid lunch for the promise of unlimited shelfish at a later time. Absolutely an unnecessary trade off, but he was willing to make it. 

Ever since then, I've been really upset because I know this guy's not alone. I know a lot of people out there would gladly skip out on a very good lunch because you're getting fancy Italian in West Loop at 8pm. And quite honestly you guys need to get your heads examined by professionals.

Drago's scientists would recommend you eat your lunch and get back in the fucking gym. 

Personally I think it's more a function of synchronizing and maximizing the satisfaction you get from a good meal. So given a choice, there isn't one. I'm always taking lunch. 

Lunch dictates your next 6 hours. Dinner registers closer to 3-4 depending on culture and time zone. That's a no-brainer. 

Some other considerations: 

- Bridging the gap between breakfast and lunch can really move a morning. Most of my life exists in that space between. Take away a good lunch for the sake of dinner then we got big problems just getting to 3pm.   

- I would hate to skip dinner, but if you're making me choose, I would like to repeat that there is no choice. It has to be lunch. I much prefer a light evening snack than forcing trail mix up a mountain every day. That anyone could disagree on the sequencing is categorically insane. 

- A big dinner has more to go wrong. It's more complicated. There's more decisions and it's outrageously more expensive. Just a high-maintenance meal, really. 

- Lunch can take many forms. As big as you want. You can eat it super early or late and that's totally normal. You can get enough to take home for dinner. Most of the time it represents a break from work. Dinner? That's a chore. You have to preheat the oven and let the good chicken breast thaw. There's a recipe and a process and expectations. 

- Gun to my head. One for the rest of my life. Good, solid lunch of a nice fancy dinner every single day? For the last time it's not a choice. Without a shred of metabolic data/science to back me up, you know for a fact that lunch yields a much broader cornucopia of lifestyle benefits. 

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Please understand: this is purely personal preference. I'm not declaring anyone right or wrong based on their own belief systems. And certainly not with respect to food. 

I just want to start the conversation on behalf of people that won't stand to have a solid lunch slandered at the expense of king crab legs. That's all I'm trying to do. So don't take it personally if your dad bartends the local steakhouse. I like him plenty just not as much as a solid lunch and that will never, ever change. 

If that makes me a monster then so be it. 

I am lunch. 

PS - Shoutout Jim Graziano. The King of Lunch just re-opened the night window. 901 W Randolph. 

PPS - Try the ham and cheese next time you get a chance.