Barstool Mini-Golf Winners and Losers Heading Into Moving Day Tonight at 730 PM EST

The first day of the Barstool Mini-Golf Invitational presented by High Noon took place today at the good Barstool office. I enjoyed the festivities from the comfort of my desk at the bad office. It was a delightful watch. 

Disclaimer: If you aren't interested in me airing out a personal grievance, please skip the following blue font paragraphs

Before I write this blog I need to get something off my chest. Something that's been eating at me ever since the Barstool Mini-Golf Invitational was played in the Hamptons back in the summer of 2022. I'm still salty about that tournament. The Hamptons mini-golf tournament happened about a month after I had started with Barstool. Back when I still had enough juice coming off of Barstool Idol to be invited to things. I was pumped to be there. And I played pretty well. I didn't live up to my standards. I think I should have played better. But I still I managed to come in 4th place. I know for a fact that I came in 4th place. I shot -23. I specifically remember because I played with Frankie Borelli, and I made 2 birdies on the last 2 holes to catch up to him. 

I was happy with my performance. It was the first piece of Barstool content aside from Barstool Idol that'd I'd been involved in. Afterwards, I told all my friends and family to tune in. I was sure I'd get at least some air time. On the back 9 of the final round, I hit 2 hole-in-ones in a row. It was kinda cool. I was making a real charge. I thought at bare minimum those hole-in-ones would make the cut.

But when the video was released 4 months later, it was like I didn't even exist. If you weren't playing close attention, you'd think I wasn't even in the tournament. Not only did I not exist in the video, but to add insult to injury, they decided to add 2 strokes to my score. 

I later was told that they apparently "lost our scorecards" on the way back to the office. So I think they just guessed what my score was? I have no clue how they got me at -21  I just know they didn't ask me. They did however to manage to get Frankie's score spot on somehow… 

It was honestly embarrassing. I told everybody I know how I finished in 4th place, and bragged about my back to back hole-in-ones on the final hole. Then when the video came out I just looked like a liar. I was cut out of the whole thing, and knocked down about 5 spots on the scoreboard. But whatever. I fully understand why they'd rather have the top of the leaderboard filled with more popular employees. But like.. that's still kinda fucked up. Even if they didn't want to heavily feature me in the video, they could have at least gave me the score I deserved. Instead of burying me in a spot on the leaderboard where nobody is going to question it. But I mean, they spent half a year editing that video, and at no point could they have double checked with me? That's kinda fucked up. I know how fucking stupid and petty that sounds. But if you enter any sort of competition I think it's reasonable to expect that you're given a fair score.

Now you might be thinking, "Hey John, are you only writing this 'Barstool Mini-Golf Winners & Losers' blog so you can vent about a year an a half old gripe you have about a mini-golf tournament that meant literally nothing?"

Yes. Obviously I am. That's what we do here. But god damn it I'm good at golf. I'm not great, but I'm better than most people here. I haven't even played a full round in couple of years, but if you roll me out there I'll at least post a score in the 80's. So if anybody at Barstool needs a ringer for a scramble, just know that I'm I'm EXTREMELY available @ForePlayPod

Here are the winners and losers of Day 1 of Barstool Mini-Golf invitational. 

WINNERS

Kirk

This should go without saying. If I ever do a blog of winners and losers, Kirk will be firmly in the winners column. He finished -22, in second place, despite getting screwed by this bullshit cup.  

Ryan Whitney

Not to brag, but I was in a conversation yesterday with people where we were picking our winners, and I was the only person who took Ryan Whitney. The man loves golf. And he came out firing. I believe he had 5 hole in ones in his first round. He's the runaway leader in the clubhouse. Has an 8-stroke lead going into the final day. If Whitney doesn't win it'll be a catastrophe. 

Ben Mintz

Anytime Ben Mintz is on camera it's a win. Even if he fucks up drastically, it will somehow turn into phenomenal content. He barely even has to do anything. Watching Ben Mintz in any sort of content is like watching a show on National Geographic. Along with every Ben Mintz video we put out in the world, I'd like to see a separate video with commentary from a British man in a hushed voice breaking down his every move. "Here we have Ben Mintz, he appears to be looking for something. Is he missing his cell phone? Oh yes, he appears to be looking for his phone. Wait it's been in his hand the entire time. Oh no, he just said a slur."

Barstool really just needs to hire that National Geographic guy to narrate Mintzy's life.

If you know anything about Mintzy, you don't need me to explain how hilarious that is. Also his outfit was incredible. I have no clue where his ass and hips are. He has the most beautiful case of Hank Hill ass.

BONUS UNRELATED MINTZY TWEET

Uncle Chaps

This might be sort of an insult stat, but I'd be lying if I said I thought Chaps was going to be high on the leaderboard. Also, he agreed to try and do the Rundown today, even though he was golfing. He was never actually gonna be able to do it, because the timing just wasn't going to work out, but I appreciate the fact that he didn't just tell me to fuck off when I asked him. Also I learned that Chaps first makeout was on a mini-golf course. That's lovely. Great day for Chaps in my opinion.

Caleb

He showed up. Also I want him to like me. I feel like a made a bad impression on him because when I met him at the Barstool Awards, Dante The Don introduced me as, "Hey this guy used to be a drug addict"… then Caleb looked at me like, "Ok why the fuck would I care." … Which was the correct response to that. But Dante really railroaded me there.

Foreplay

The Foreplay guys are all exactly where I would expect you to be. Nobody embarrassed themselves. Except for maybe Trent. But overall today was a win for your podcast.

Dave Portnoy

He missed the cut but who cares. I shouldn't have to explain to you why I'm including him on my winners list. Even though he missed the cut line by an inch.

Feitelberg

Missed the cut as well but he looked pretty jacked

Marty Mush

I'm including way too many people on my winners list. But I really like Marty. Top 3 nicest guy I've encountered since being hired here. I don't care what hand says. Marty is sitting in 3rd place and he's a winner for that. 

LOSERS

Frank Fleming

Frank, I love you to death. Even if I want to strangle you once a week when I'm sitting quietly at my desk and out of nowhere you scream so fucking loud in my ear because you're not happy with the New Jersey Devils starting goalie that night. That's just the Frank experience. Frank has made more money for this company that I ever will, so I'll never begrudge him for being himself. But I have to call shenanigans on his mini-golf game. I know you're not that bad Frank. You've played more mini-golf than anybody at this company. When you have a 4 foot putt, and you take a swing like you're trying to drive the golf ball 300 yards, you know it's not going in. It's like he starts his rant before he even finishes his stroke. I think Frank is better than he's leading on. I refuse to believe that Frank is not a better mini-golfer than this.

Ohio's Tate

I almost didn't put Tate in this because I feel like I'm falling for some sort of bit. I'm expecting him to drop a hilarious blog any day now about how he faked sucked at mini-golf for __ reason. I know he's an athletic dude. He's obviously a basketball player. I know he can hit a free throw. He clearly has solid hand-eye coordination. There's no way he should be that far down on the list. He was taking copious notes and everything.

Whoever Designed The Dude Wipes Hole

With all due respect to Dude Wipes, their toilet hole caused some problems. Whoever designed this hole didn't think it through. 

The Boom Mic Guy Wearing a Mask

I can't find the clip, but at one point Ryan Whitney was overheard on a hot mic saying, "That boom mic guy wearing a mask is hilarious."

I'm not Covid shaming or anything.. but to be fair… that is a little hilarious.

Will Compton

I'm sorry Will but if you're an NFL player who is competing in ANY sort of athletic competition against a bunch of bloggers, you have to finish higher than 12th place. You lost to Steven Cheah. That's worse than letting "Barstool Investigates feat. John Rich" end your career.

Mook

Somebody said you had a Lieutenant Jim Dangle from Reno 911 today (it was me, I said that)

Rico Bosco

This is my last one. And it's the most shocking one. What the fuck happened Rico? You went from finishing 3rd place in the Hamptons, where we had a larger field, to finishing TWENTY SEVER (27) SHOTS BEHIND THE LEAD. How is that even possible? Are your throwing the competition? I can't even make your score make sense in my head. That's one of the biggest fall offs I've ever seen. I love you Rico, but what the fuck happened?

Moving day (i.e Round 3), is starting tonight at 8 PM EST. There's 2 more round to got (tonight and tomorrow) Tune in or else you're g

THE END