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Dumping Them Out: Dumb Money


Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. There's an eclipse tomorrow. I had an "idea" earlier this week. I guess it's not really an idea, because it's nothing I would ever do. But there's definitely people out there in the world who have no idea that there's going to be a total eclipse tomorrow. If you could somehow approach one of these people, and give them a vague, ominous warning like, "On Monday afternoon at 2:10pm, something horrible is going to happen." Then when the eclipse comes, that person would be like , "Holy shit that guy was right it's the end of the world."

But that's probably unrealistic. Anybody with half a brain, even if they aren't aware of the eclipse, will figure out within minutes what's happening. The eclipse is all over the news. You'd have to pull that prank on someone with no access to cable or internet. 

So naturally, my mind went to homeless people. I could walk around New York City tomorrow morning passing out fliers to homeless people that say, "The world is ending this afternoon." And then when the eclipse starts they'd be like….. ok never mind that's too fucked up. That's probably not even giving homeless people enough credit. Even homeless people know about the eclipse. I just want to be able to fuck with someone at make them think the eclipse marks the end of the world. There's gotta be an idiot somewhere out there who would fall for it. Maybe an Amish or something.

I just finished watching Dumb Money on Netflix, the movie dramatization of the whole Roaring Kitty, Wall Street Bets, GameStop to the moon situation where a bunch of Redditers with "dumb money" managed to get rich off GME stock by betting against Wall Street. Great movie. Made me feel terrible about myself for missing out. Any time something cool like that happens I miss out. Like the fucking earthquake.  I've always wanted to experience an earthquake. I may even consider it a bucket list item. And there was a fucking earthquake in New Jersey + NYC on Thursday at 10:23am. 99% of the time I'm in the office then. Likely sitting still at my desk putting together shit for the Rundown,. But I have an old dog, and he's been having some trouble lately, so I had to take him to a vet appointment before work. Meaning I was on the train with the earthquake hit. I was so pissed. My train ride to work is no more than 20 minutes. The only 20 minute period of the day (aside from my ride home) where I wouldn't have felt the earthquake. Such bullshit. My fiancee said our whole ass apartment was shaking, it was loud as shit, our pets were freaking out. It sounded awesome. What a rush that must have been. The only greater rush would have been if I were in Big Ev's situation and was at the airport when it happened. Holy shit. I bet that would have made you appreciate life a little bit more for the next couple of hours.


Speaking of things I miss out on, don't even get me started on Bitcoin. I'll never forget when Bitcoin first started to become a thing. I remember when it was just under $300 per share. At that time, I decided to was going to buy some. I knew nothing about Bitcoin other than some people on the internet told me it would make me rich. So I got on my laptop, and took the time to figure out how exactly to go about actually buying some. I figured it out, and made it all the way to the last screen where I could enter in how much I wanted to buy. I thought about it for a minute, and for some reason I came to the conclusion that I was going to wait a day or two. I think I was maybe waiting on a pay check. Anyways, when I went back to buy, which must have only been a couple days later, the price has skyrocketed to over $400. For some reason that deterred me. For some reason in my stupid fucking brain I didn't want to just buy a "fraction" of Bitcoin. I wanted exactly 1 whole Bitcoin. Something about that nice round number. So I bailed on the whole thing entirely. And now it's at over $68,000 per share. 

What might be even dumber than my original move, is that even though the price per share is as high as it is right now, it's still not too late to get in. It's just gonna keep going up. But I continue to sit on my ass, making no moves as I watch Bitcoin continue to rise. People talk about Bitcoin every day at our office and I just sit quietly at my desk feeling sick. I just keep thinking as soon as I decide to buy, that's gonna be when it peaks. But it never peaks. It just keeps going up. And I keep doing nothing while everyone else gets rich. It's pathetic. The good news is, I have it on good authority that we're on the brink of a major cyber security attack. Soon all of our bank accounts will be depleted. But they can't take my money if I've got nothing to give.