Tom Hanks, Steve Martin, and Martin Short Have Parties Together To Clean Their Assholes Out Before Doing Joint Colonoscopies
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At this kind of party, everyone is a pooper.
Steve Martin, 72, and Martin Short, 68, revealed on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" Tuesday that they have "colonoscopy parties" every other year with Tom Hanks, 61, and fellow friend Walter Parks to have some fun ahead of the procedure.
"We’re very excited,'' Short said. "We go to Steve’s house around 5 p.m. the night before. We call it 'Colonoscopy Eve' in Canada."
They go through the process of avoiding solid foods, consuming liquids and clearing their bowels to get ready.
"And it’s catered,'' Martin said. "There’s Jell-O, you know, there’s not much you can (eat). You have to purge all day and then we toast."
"We thought, everybody at our age … at a certain age, you want to get a colonoscopy," Martin said. "We all came over, we played poker and we watched some funny movie and you drink all this stuff."
Honest to Odin, this might be the most "guys being dudes" thing I've ever heard. The level of comfort you need to have with yourself and with your friends to do this is off the charts.
Me and my good pal Big Cat have been friends for a long time now. We were buds before I even started working at Barstool. On my first trip up, I didn't know Barstool was going to pay for all of my travel and meals. The only other full-time job I had was the Marine Corps so I simply did not know how businesses worked.
When I went to New York, I looked for a cheap hotel. I didn't make killer money, so I was trying to keep everything under 120-150 bucks. There are not too many spots like that in Flat Iron. I had to stay a decent way away from the office. I picked a place called The Holland Hotel. Very nice!
Dan asked me where I was staying and I said Jersey City. He was astonished when I showed him the pictures. I told him why and he called me an idiot, told me to go grab my shit, and I could stay with him in his new, very nice apartment in Brooklyn.
When I got there, I had eaten a bunch of pizza and needed to use the ole commode. The acidity in tomatoes fucks me up. I needed to go right when I got there. I came out of the bathroom and Dan was blown away by that move. I was embarrassed in a big way. It's not like Dan was a prude. I think this was shortly after he and PFT became piss dogs. Nevertheless, I was ashamed.
Fast forward to these dudes. They are eating, taking laxatives, and shitting their colons empty before laying up on a table and having a doctor do a much-needed medical procedure. I think everybody is a little bit nervous when that tube comes around the butt. You never know what is coming your way. In fact, I don't even know what that procedure does. I know it checks for like cancer and shit like that but other than that, I don't know and I never will.
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Anyway, can you imagine those conversations? Martin Short is probably the dude I don't care about the most in that group but he would be the best in this situation. His facial expression would be next level when there's a river of brown being dammed by a thin layer of skin, namely the anus.
No matter who you are with, that amount of clearing would be painful but at least these rich dudes have a bidet to ease some of the blistering.
Plus, when things get really dire, Steve Martin could whip out the banjo and whisk the boys off to a musical dreamland before they wake up and head to the doctor for their nightmare. Guys being dudes. Gotta love it.