Dave Portnoy Doesn’t Know Ball!

I knew your half-billion-dollar brain wouldn't be able to comprehend this. You see, David, not everyone sells their soul to the devil. Your spoiled ass has no clue what it's like to root for a poverty franchise. You don't know ball, David; you know Satan. If it weren't for Tom Brady falling into your lap, you'd have nothing to hang your hat on.

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"Next Brady" 

Yeah, for sure dude. 

Also, let's not forget about when you single handily killed the Cincinnati Bengals:

Despite from not knowing ball, you incompressibly don't know words:

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I know I'm as dumb as a sack of incompressibly rocks. In fact, I'm so dumb, that you could incompressibly file me in that folder of employees who would be incompressibly lost with out this job because of how incompressibly dumb we are, and yet, you, the OWNER of this company are making up incompressibly dumb adjectives to call ME dumb. AND I CAUGHT YOU. How do you let ME, the incompressibly dumb Nicky Smokes, word check YOU?? Next thing you know the incompressibly dumb Mintzy will start correcting you… 

After you read this, let me know whether or not I used the word that you pulled out of your ass after your 6th tangerine high noon properly.