Neil Armstrong Dunking On A Journalist About Why He And Ole Buzz Only Walked 100 Feet On The Moon Is Fascinating

Chaps4/03/2024 3:10 PM

Heritage Images. Getty Images.

I fuckin love Reddit. Every week something pops up on that bad boy that I had no idea about. This article from 2010 was one of those times. I've never been a huge moon guy. Dont get me wrong, when that thang gets all bloody, I love it. I fawn over it. I cum from simply looking at the moon and that's without a telescope. Can you imagine the ropes with a scope? I cant. I'd shoot so hard it might would splatter on the space helmet visor like a naughty video online. As an aside, there isn't enough space porn.

Matthias Hangst. Getty Images.

Anyway, this fella Krulwich wrote an article that was kinda in the style of today's journalistic standards. You have your mind made up before you even begin to type and you spell your virtual ink without doing an ounce of research. Pot kettle and what have you. Anyway, Neil Armstrong wasn't having that shit. He explains why Krulwich's assertions weren't great. I'll never look up Krulwich's article but I will opine without reading based solely on Armstrong's remarks. After all, Neil Armstrong was a certified badass and one of the most accomplished Americans of all time.

Dear Mr. Krulwich

Love that. Starting off formal and respectful. What a guy!

I was delighted to read your December 7 column on the the Apollo 11 lunar surface traverses, The NASA maps do accurately portray the locations of the pathways used to complete the myriad of tasks we were assigned. And, although I have not checked, I believe the comparison with the size of athletic fields is reasonably accurate.

Set the ole boy at ease by giving a compliment. I bet that got Krulwich's gas a aflowin. He was probably like, "I got this washed-up spaceman scallywag by the terrestrial balls. He will bow down to me like I'm Ragnar Lothbrok, king of the northman and slayer of kings."

Wrong.

You asked: "Who knew?"

The tide is turning for Krulwich.

Giphy Images.

The answer to that question is: Just about anyone who had any interest in learning the answer. The plan for the lunar surface work was widely distributed and we even did a full dress rehearsal for the press at the NASA Johnson Space Center.

Giphy Images.

I mean, that was essentially the space version of, "read a book." The last statement shows exactly what I was talking about. This dude wrote some articles complaining about things that happened while acting like they didn't happen. Neil was basically like, "Dwight, you ignorant slut."

It is true that we were cautious in our planning.

You finally got one thing right.

There were many uncertainties about how well our Lunar module systems and our Pressure suit and backpack would match the engineering predictions in the hostile lunar environment. We were operating in a near perfect vacuum with the temperature well above 200 degrees Fahrenheit with the local gravity only one sixth that of Earth.

Yeah dude, no shit. We were cautious. We were going to the fucking moon! The moon!

A line in the quote above shows what really blew my mind. Journalists being uninformed is pretty common but I had no idea that the moon was that hot. Did you? I would have thought that the moon was cold. Turns out, I like the dumbshit author, was wrong. Turns out, those fuckers went on a cold day! The typical high on the moon can reach 280 degrees Celsius, according to ChatGPT, and the low can be as cold as -127 Celsius. Chilly!

Brother, if you thought the weather ranges in Chicago were something, you should check out the moon. Less violence up there though but no tavern-style pizza. Win some; lose some.

That combination cannot be duplicated here on Earth, but we tried as best we could to test our equipment for those conditions. For example, because normal air conditioning is inadequate for lunar conditions, we were required to use cold water to cool the interior of our suits. We did not have any data to tell us how long the small water tank in our backpacks would suffice. NASA officials limited our surface working time to 2 and 3/4 hours on that first surface exploration to assure that we would not expire of hyperthermia. After returning to and repressurizing the Lunar Module, we were able to drain and measure the remaining water in the backpacks to confirm the predicted.

That's fucking crazy and exactly what I mean by Neil and Buzz having more courage in their pinkies than the rest of us combined. You are headed to the moon without being scientifically sure what will happen. You don't REALLY know if you're going to turn into an icicle or a melted pot of soup in your suit. But, nevertheless, you continue hopping around and doing your research.

There was great uncertainty about how well we would be able to walk in our cumbersome pressurized suit. My colleague demonstrated a variety of techniques in view of the television camera that I had installed in a position predetermined to be in the optimum spot for coverage of all of our activities. Preflight planners wanted us to stay in TV range so that they could learn from our results how they could best plan for future missions. I candidly admit that I knowingly and deliberately left the planned working area out of TV coverage to examine and photograph the interior crater walls for possible bedrock exposure or other useful information. I felt the potential gain was worth the risk.

Over the last few months, I've produced Zero Blog Thirty myself and let me tell ya, that's not easy. I've been doing it in an air-conditioned spot, with a state-of-the-art golf simulator, a rebounding machine, a full-court basketball court, and a gambling cave. Buzz produced what was then the most-watched event in television history. Now, I'm not sure if it was the most-watched thing but I imagine it would be. Again, no research minus the ChatGBT thing.

Like and subscribe.

It is true that we would have liked to stay on the surface longer and traveled further away from the Lunar Module and the television camera. But we had a number of experiments to install, samples to document and collect, and photographs to take. The time available was fully allocated and we were working diligently to complete our assigned tasks. The Lunar Laser Ranging Retroreflector we installed is still in use today in a variety of scientific experiments.

Yeah dude. We could have done more but you could also fuck right off because there is simply no way we could have done more.

Later Apollo flights were able to do more and move further in order to cover larger areas, particularly when the Lunar Rover vehicle became available in 1971. But in KRULWICH WONDERS, you make an important point, which I emphasized to the House Science and Technology Committee. During my testimony in May I said, "Some question why Americans should return to the Moon. "After all," they say "we have already been there." I find that mystifying. It would be as if 16th century monarchs proclaimed that "we need not go to the New World, we have already been there." Or as if President Thomas Jefferson announced in 1803 that Americans "need not go west of the Mississippi, the Lewis and Clark Expedition has already been there." Americans have visited and examined 6 locations on Luna, varying in size from a suburban lot to a small township. That leaves more than 14 million square miles yet to explore.

What an example. We've already been there and walking around just once isn't good enough. We need to go back and check out the rest because I'm pretty sure we discovered more things in the Americas since the first time we came to this bitch even though there were millions already here. Nevertheless, discoveries were made like the fact that millions of people already lived here.