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God Particles, Devil Worshipping, And Rockets Aimed At The Sun: NASA Is Doing Some Really Strange Shit On April 8th For The Eclipse. Like Firing Off 3 Rockets Called "The Serpent Deity" Into The Actual Eclipse. While The Geeks In Geneva Are Firing Up The CERN Reactor Again Hoping To Find The Answer To "Dark Matter"

We've got a good one for everybody today. We're talking about two of humanity's most eyebrow-raising marvels- the beastly brilliance that is CERN's Large Hadron Collider 

Lionel FLUSIN. Getty Images.

and the cosmic ballet of the total eclipse happening on April 8th. 

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First lets talk about CERN for a minute. Nestled in the scenic vistas of Switzerland, CERN and its colossal child, the Large Hadron Collider, sit brooding like a plot from a sci-fi novel. This underground ring, big enough to host a Mario Kart race for the gods, is where particles collide in hopes of unraveling the universe's secrets. Or so they say.

But as we edge closer to the April 8th total eclipse, whispers grow louder. What's really going on in those subterranean tunnels? Is it just science, or is there something more at play?

DailyMail - The world’s largest and most powerful particle accelerator is set smash protons together on April 8 to search for invisible particles secretly powering our universe.

Theories have suggested there are 17 different particle groups and the European Organization for Nuclear Research, better known as CERN, confirmed the existence of one using its Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in 2012.

Scientists began preliminary tests by sending billions of protons around the LHC's ring of superconducting magnets to boost their energy and ensure the $4 billion machine was in working condition.

And in a few days, CERN will shoot them down a 17-mile-long tunnel at nearly the speed of light to recreate conditions a second after the Big Bang.

The LHC works by smashing protons together to break them apart and discover the subatomic particles that exist inside them, and how they interact. 

On April 8, the team will send the beams through the tunnel where they will collide.

The team will be on the hunt for dark matter, which makes up around 28 percent of our massive universe - but it has never been seen or proven. 

This work will give them insights into the formation of the universe and even its ultimate fate. 

The experiment is scheduled to occur the same day as the Great North American Solare Eclipse.

Now you may be asking yourself, why are they doing this, and why did they choose April 8th, the same day as the total eclipse of all days, to do this?

Or you just take their explanation at face value- 

The purpose of LHC is to let scientists test predictions of different particle physics, including measuring the properties of the Higgs boson or God particle, which was a missing piece in the jigsaw for physicists in trying to understand how the universe works.

Scientists believe that a fraction of a second after the Big Bang that gave birth to the universe, an invisible energy field, called the Higgs field, formed. 

As particles passed through the field, they picked up mass, giving them size and shape and allowing them to form the atoms that make up you, everything around you and everything in the universe.

The timing of all of this is too perfect to be merely coincidence. And here's where things get interesting. Legend has it (or at least, the legend we're crafting right now), that this particular alignment of celestial bodies is the perfect backdrop for CERN's most ambitious experiment yet. Something about the shadow of the moon amplifying particle collisions, or maybe it's just a great time for interdimensional gate-crashing.

You mean opening a stargate to another dimension?


Back when they flicked this thing on last, in July of 2022, theories and speculation abounded. I documented much of it here.

The CERN nerds keep telling us plebs that they're in search of "dark matter". But wtf is dark matter?

The batch of LHC collisions observed at CERN between 2010-2013 brought proof of the existence of the long-sought Higgs boson particle which, along with its linked energy field, is thought to be vital to the formation of the universe after the Big Bang 13.7 billion years ago.

But plenty remains to be discovered.

Physicists hope the resumption of collisions will help in their quest for so-called “dark matter” that lies beyond the visible universe. Dark matter is thought to be five times more prevalent than ordinary matter but does not absorb, reflect or emit light. Searches have so-far come up empty-handed.

“We are going to increase the number of collisions drastically and therefore the probability of new discoveries also,” said Steerenberg, who added that the collider was due to operate until another shutdown from 2025-2027.

Now, for the juicy part. Theories are swirling that CERN's scientists are planning to use the eclipse as a cosmic battery, powering up the collider to unprecedented levels. The goal? To tear open the very fabric of reality itself. Some say it's to explore unknown dimensions, others whisper of attempts to contact parallel universes. There are even rumors of a secret society of physicists, cloaked not just in lab coats but in mystery, who've been planning this for decades.

Imagine the scene: as the sky darkens, the collider hums to life, its energy pulsing in sync with the eclipse. Scientists huddle around monitors, their faces lit by the eerie glow of data streams, while somewhere in the depths, something stirs. And let's not forget our "eyewitnesses" who claim to have seen strange symbols and ancient runes adorning the control panels. "It's all part of the ritual," they say, eyeing you over a tattered copy of a physics journal that definitely looks like it doubles as a spellbook.

There goes crazy conspiracy theorist Dante again, acting like a kook.

I mean it's not like CERN's "opening ceremonies" (because what astro collider doesn't celebrate with an ornate opening ceremony?) were weird or anything.

Totally normal.

And it's not like they've actually done ritualistic human sacrifices at the thing either. Just fake ones.

Again. Totally normal.

As if CERN's shenanigans weren't enough to keep our tin foil hats firmly in place, NASA has decided to crash the party, literally, with rockets. Yes, you heard that right. While the rest of us are trying to figure out whether we can use a colander to view the eclipse safely, NASA is out here playing cosmic darts, with fucking jet propelled rocket ships.

Three of them. 

LiveScience - Millions of eager spectators aren't the only ones who are excited; NASA engineers in Virginia plan to make the most of the precious few minutes of darkness by launching rockets directly into the eclipse's shadow.

Besides the obvious cool factor, the launches have an important science goal: to help scientists understand how the sudden drop in sunlight affects our planet's blanket of air.

The sudden transition from day to night is known to cause sharp drops in temperatures and even trick animals into engaging in nighttime behaviors. But scientists understand little about how the brief moments of darkness influence the boundary between Earth's upper and lower atmosphere, called the ionosphere, which extends between 55 to 310 miles (90 to 500 kilometers) above the planet';'s surface.

Here, ultraviolet radiation from the sun routinely pries away electrons from atoms, forming abundant electrically charged particles that puff up the upper atmosphere. It thins out upon sunset as these ions recombine into neutral atoms, only to be ripped away again next dawn.

So, by launching three rockets before, during and after the moon's shadow turns day into night on April 8, NASA engineers hope to collect enough data to predict such disturbances, which are known to interfere with both radio and satellite communications.

(FUN FACT - the Atmospheric Perturbations Around The Eclipse Path, or APEP, which is the name of an Egyptian serpent deity that eats the sun and embodies chaos. Apep is also called Apophis, which is where the word Apophenia comes from. Ironically, Apophenia is the name given to the beginning stages of schizophrenia where everything is perceived as synchronistic.)

Officially, this is all in the name of science—studying the sun's corona, testing out new space tech, the usual spiel. But we, the enlightened, know there's always more to the story.

First off, consider the timing. It's all too convenient that just as CERN is powering up for their reality-bending experiment, NASA suddenly takes an interest in lobbing rockets into the shadowed sun.

The real tin foil hats out there suspect that NASA's real agenda is to catch a ride on the eclipse's unique energy wave, using it to boost their rockets into not just space, but into the unknown voids beyond our dimension. Think of it as hitchhiking on the highway of the cosmos, except you're catching a lift on a shadow.

And before you totally laugh that off, listen to NASA's own director say as much in his own words -

NASA's involvement brings a certain prestige to the whole affair. It's not every day you get to witness not one, but two major scientific powerhouses potentially ripping open the fabric of reality.

Either way, at this point in the game of life, I am hoping for the craziest possible shit to happen. As usual. I love these government alphabet agencies and scientific organizations are pissing on our legs and telling us it's raining.

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So I'm pulling for gateway portals to be opened, interdimensional chaos, the aliens to show up, and even Gozer to make an appearance. While you're at it, throw Vigo the Carpathian into the mix too. Things really can't get much worse so why not? You wanna get nuts CERN and NASA? Let's get fucking nuts.

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