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'Phone In One Hand, Cock In The Other' - Norwegian Soccer Player Scores Ridiculous Goal, Says His Plan Is To Jerk Off All Night Watching The Highlight

Good Lord man, how many times can you jerk it to your own goal? Sure, it was a sick goal, but I wouldn't call it jerk off material. 

Also why are you using your phone to jerk off? You're not sneaking around watching porn here. I found the goal with one simple search, you can do the same on a big screen. Dude is out here planning on having a long night whacking off, you might as well make it comfortable. Can't have your phone in one hand, need both hands free, well, switch up hands maybe. 

I say that, but I think I respect how he's admitting it's going to be a late night, a fun night. One of those where maybe if he says he's gonna jerk it once is weird but if he's talking about a whole night of putting his dick to work, it's funny. Any time you can go on TV as a professional athlete and admit you're jerking off to yourself, you have to. It's at least honest. 

I'm trying to think what professional athlete in the US would admit something like this. My mind goes to basketball immediately, they have more of the individual highlights. Giannis is always horned up, I could see him admitting he did something freaky after a game-winner. DBs and receivers are egomaniacs, no doubt in my mind one of them have jerked off to their highlight film. Incredible quote either way.