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Here's All the Knockouts From The UFC Atlantic City Prelims

Jeff Bottari. Getty Images.

Before you rush to the comment section to leave a snarky, "You know college basketball is on, right?" - yes, I know college basketball is on. I watch MMA, and tonight the UFC is putting on a pretty great card in Atlantic City, so that's what I'm watching!

I'm gonna make it easy for everyone focused on college basketball, too - this blog features each and every finish from the Atlantic City prelims (five KO/TKOs in seven fights) and you'll be able to watch 'em all within a commercial break. Let's get into it.

Jacob Malkoun def. Andre Petroski via ???:

This one was/is incredibly confusing. There's theories that it was the left hand that clipped Petroski with a delayed reaction, or that he even KO'd himself on Malkoun's hip bone when shooting for the takedown….

….and maybe it was a combination of both - but that soccer kick to the body after he dropped? That was vicious. 

I hope to make it through life without ever being on the receiving end of one of those. 

Ibo Aslan def. "The Pleasure Man" Anton Turkalj via TKO:

Poor Pleasure Man. This guy is just never gonna get a UFC win, is he? I doubt he gets another shot after going 0-4 following his Contender Series win….

….but this fight was pretty fucking awesome! These guys were chuckin knucks and showing off some ridiculously impressive chins throughout, and they had the crowd on their feet early. I loved it. One more match for the Pleasure Man, Dana! Please!

Dennis Buzukja def. Connor Matthews via TKO: 

Huge win for Serra-Longo MMA here! The NY gym has a huge fight against the New England Cartel's Calvin Kattar when Aljamain Sterling jumps up to Featherweight at UFC 300, and this was an early meeting of coaches to serve as a prelude that. I was stoked for Buzukja to finally get a UFC win too - he's a very exciting fighter (and one of Matt Frevola's main sparring partners) and put an exclamation point on his first big league win with the finish. Matthews showed he is one tough son of a bitch, though, because Buzukja kicked his ass for two straight rounds before this TKO.

Conor McGregor had some funny/weird tweets during this one. Here's some screenshots as I assume they'll get deleted….

No comment on the tweets. I dunno man.

Julio Arce def. Herbert Burns via TKO:

No disrespect meant by this - but Herbert Burns is just so bad. I can't believe he beat Nate Landwehr once. This was the most obvious outcome on the card tonight in my opinion. Speaking of Nate Landwehr, though…. 

Nate The Train def. Jamall Emmers via TKO:

NATE THE TRAIN IN THE UFC!!! WHOOP MY ASS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!!

This was fucking amazing. It was everything you'd ever want out of a Nate Landwehr fight. He got pieced up by Jamall Emmers at the jump, it looked like it was gonna be a rough night at the office for The Train - and then he got split open and it was like the blood awakened some kind of demon inside of him; it was Diaz-esque, honestly. He turned it around right before the end of the first round, stepped on the gas, and knocked Emmers silly. He then gave an amazing post-fight interview, as he always does….

Nate the fuckin Train. In the UFC. Unreal.

I'll let you get back to the tournament now, but here's the rest of the card - tune in once the games are over….