Let's Get XTREME! The NFL Is Adopting The Kickoff Rules From The XFL To Stop Kickoffs From Being Irrelevant Wastes Of Time

So this news hit the ol' Twitter feed this morning and I immediately got excited. It seems like every time the NFL passes a new rule, it makes the league a little softer. Sure it usually protects the superhumans that play the sport for non-guaranteed contracts for a handful of years from catastrophic injuries. But I want to see more action from my couch on Sundays when my step count is in the double digits for the entire afternoon!

Which is why hearing the NFL was bringing in the XFL's kickoff was so exciting. You see the X in XFL stands for Xtreme, which is like the word Extreme but somehow so much more Extreme that the first E was dropped. This may not make sense to kids these days, but this is essentially how everything was marketed in the late 90s and early 00s.

I then realized that I had no fucking clue how the XFL does their kickoffs since I haven't sat down and actually paid attention to a game in years. At first I thought the kickoff was somehow being replaced by the opening scrum since that was truly as XTREME as it gets.

However that would lead to unlimited serious injuries, a sequel to the Will Smith sport thriller "Concussion", and possibly Congress wiping the NFL from existence.

Instead, these are the new kickoff rules:

Look, I appreciate the diagram and kinda understand some of the terms on there. But the laundry list of rules above it completely ruined any momentum my overstimulated, desensitized brain had of understanding this goddamn thing.

Luckily we got a much easier explanation in video format, which is essentially the only way I can understand anything in 2024.

Much better!

Now those kickoff rules may not be as XTREME as I would hope, but they at least make kickoffs more than extended parts of the commercial break considering NFL teams damn near killed the play based on changes over the years as well as kickers with cockrocket legs that can kick balls no less than 200 yards.

Those numbers are wild, as are these numbers from that video.

I mean that's a home run touchdown of a rule change. As a Giants fan, I don't expect my team to do anything with it since they have stopped putting electric guys back to return kicks for damn near a decade. But it'll be fun to watch the other 31 teams come up with cool shit to make the kick return worth a damn again and you knowwwww Bill Belichick is cooking up some sort of advantage for these new rules from the unemployment line. 

Now the NFL just has to make the onside kick interesting and this little startup professional football league just may make it after all!