Something Sinister Is Happening At Kensington Palace

Its been weeks now that we've all been on the hunt for Future Queen, Kate Middleton. A quick bullet point refresher:

- She went into the hospital for abdominal surgery mid January, said to be out of the public eye/recovering until Easter

- People started getting antsy mid February, wanting signs of life

- "Kate" is spotted through the windshield of her mother's car

- "Kate" put out a clearly altered/edited photo of herself with her children on UK's Mother's Day

- "Kate" apologized for the photoshopped picture

Now we have a video of "Kate" and "William" walking around a farmer's market, near their country home. I put their names in quotes because, I'm being serious, I simply do not think these two people look like Kate and William. Sure, "William" is pretty convincing, but his hat is pulled down at an angle that makes me think these impersonators were hired off the Las Vegas strip, but instructed to not let anyone get a good look at them. 

We're again toeing the line of absurdity when it comes to asking these kinds of questions - not believing that someone walking around is actually the person they seem to be, is a tough thing to convince others of. Here are a few arguments in favor of it actually being Kate and William:

- It definitely does look a lot like them

- This market is "near their house"

That's about it. Here are some arguments in favor of it NOT being Kate and William:

- How are they walking so fast/carrying packages if Kate is still recovering from abdominal surgery

- They look 10 years younger 

- Zero secret service?

- How the fuck do we still not have a clear photo or video of these two?

The "needing a clear photo" is the ticket here. Rumors were flying around about King Charles being dead, too, and he immediately came out with the highest quality "paparazzi photo" from inside a car I've ever seen:

But THIS is what we get of Kate?

Meanwhile, William affair rumors are running rampant around the country and we suddenly hear from the alleged mistress herself, by way of a lawyer and through a news outlet nobody trusts:

A likely story Camilla Rose! Also, speaking with a lawyer? Why? Who are we suing? Twitter?

On the flip side, in things I never thought would happen, it appears the palace is playing nice with Harry and Meghan again?

And THIS of course comes on the heels of Meghan launching her own lifestyle brand in the midst of all this? Say what you want about the girl, but she knows how to seize the moment:

Unbelievable displays all around. Adding up all the pieces, I have no choice but to declare the following by way of my friend Michelle Collins' mother:

Something sinister, indeed. At this point, I have no idea what these people are trying to cover up. I think we can officially rule out "Charles is dead" after that very clear, recent, paparazzi photo, but what else is going on in the House of Windsor? If Kate and William are well enough to be casually shopping, why aren't they well enough to just…take a photo of themselves and put it out? Make a video thanking those for sending them well wishes (for Kate - nobody is wishing William well at the moment) and be done with it? I'm not even going to start wondering about the kids…I'm sure they are fine, but are they in school? Are they home? Who is taking care of them? As usual….lots to think about.

I know "observing the Royal Family" is already dangerous waters when it comes to walking the fine line of truth and "spreading misinformation," but I'm just working with what I'm given here. A handful of shitty photos, a grainy video and an ominous feeling. #WHEREISKATE