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A Sex Orgy That Includes Over 500 Pounds of Fucking Was Discovered In Florida

Casarsa. Getty Images.

If you've been around these parts for a while, you know that I'm down to fuck. In fact, I've had sex over 3000 times. All of them have been very good. 

However, just because I'm very good at having sex doesn't mean that I'm comfortable being in a group of folks that are rollin around in a romp. I'm not Creed. The idea of many sexual partners at the same time makes me nervous because while I'm extremely confident about my sexual abilities, I'm also very self-conscious, and I am not sure about my sexual abilities. That's always been a struggle for me, so I overcompensate by being boisterous about my bedroom prowess. It's kind of pathetic but that doesn't matter. 

That being said, one day I aspire to be as confident in myself as this ball of snakes fucking their brains out in Florida. 

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TAMPA, Fla. (WFLA) — A team of trackers found 500 pounds of snake in a South Florida marsh last month, according to the Miami Herald.

The report said the discovery happened on Feb. 21 on public land in Naples when officials discovered a 7-foot wide mound of 11 pythons.

“For 10 years, we’ve been catching and putting them [Burmese pythons] down humanely. You can’t put them in zoos and send them back to Southeast Asia. Invasive species management doesn’t end with rainbows and kittens,” Conservancy Biologist Ian Bartoszek said. “These are remarkable creatures, here through no fault of their own. They are impressive animals, good at what they do.”

While I couldn't find a video of this specific ball of fuckin snakes, I did find other examples which made me wanna cry my eyes out. 

And this one. 

and this one. 

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As you can see, it's mother fuckin snake breeding season, and things are getting steamy in the reptile world. You've got dude snakes all hyped up because they're ready to find themselves a lady snake to get busy with. But not just one. They are trying to fuck the entire forest. It's a freaky snake sex party where all the dudes are trying to score with the same lady snake at once! We don't know if they are doing snake missionary or snake doggie or snake 69 (my personal favorite) or Snake Dirty Sanchez. Wouldnt that be fuckin wild?

Anyway, with it being snake ball season, be on the lookout. If you hate snakes, it can be worse than walking in on your parents. You will never recover if you step into a snake fuckin session. You could fuck around and end up with a snake sucking your dick. Not good!