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Addressing My Favorite Double Standards For The Men and Women of America

1. Guys can rip ass (fart) and it's funny. Girls rip ass and they're disgusting:

I'll be the first to admit it: I don't believe women shit. I've never seen it happen, and until I do, I have no reason to believe otherwise. However, I have heard and smelled a woman fart around me, and I'm not going to lie, I wasn't a fan. In fact, it turned me into a hater. I couldn't even look at her. How could this beautiful creature let something so devious out of her body? But then I remembered: we're human. One just has a stick and a sack, and the other has a gorilla grip waterfall. From this day forward, I will be the leader of the "Women Should Rip Ass Too" movement. If men can let it rip, so can women!

2. Girls can wear fake hair, no one cares. Guys wear fake hair they're a fraud.:

Aight, I'm starting to reach the age where not only am I losing my hair, but when I run my fingers through a girl's hair, I can feel the train tracks glued to her head. When a girl wants her hair to touch her tits, no one blinks an eye, but God forbid a guy tries to cover up his Batman signal of a hairline, he's a loser. Why is it a big deal for a guy to have some random dude's hair from China glued to his head, but when a girl slaps a slob of Rebecca’s hair to the back of her head it's okay? Humans go bald, it is what it is, but who are we to let one gender cover it up and not the other? From this day forward, I will be the leader of the "Men Can Wig Too" movement.

3. If a guy sleeps with a bunch of women he's a GOAT. If a girl sleeps with a bunch of dudes she's a HOE:

A wise man once told me, 'A key that can open any lock is a master key, but a lock that can be opened by any key is a shitty lock.' I'm sorry, ladies, but the wise man is right once again. Women are the prize. It's like a game of Super Mario. Mario has to go through all the leaps and bounds to rescue the Princess. We are no different than Mario, and ultimately, it's up to the princess to determine how long the game is going to last. I know it's not fair, it's not right, but it is what it is. However, I feel like once you get out of college, it doesn't matter anyway. There's no gossip; everyone just wants their fix. And that's something I back 1000%