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Eagles Guard Landon Dickerson Can Mow The Absolute Shit Out Of His Lawn

Perry Knotts. Getty Images.

Landon Dickerson became a very rich man this week after signing a 4-year, $84 million contract extension with the Philadelphia Eagles. $50 million of that is guaranteed, and he got $20 million of that in a signing bonus. So it's safe to assume that Landon has a little more money to play around with right now in his bank account than he's ever had before. 

Some guys might blow that kinda money on jewelry. Some may buy some vacation homes, fancy cars, or just figure out a way to burn through it just as fast as it hit their account. But Landon Dickerson is a simple man with some simple taste. So what's he going to treat himself to ever getting a quick $20,000,000 dumped into his pocket?

The man is gonna go get a new lawn mower. He'll probably treat himself to something towards the top of the line. We're not talking about any ol' bargain bin electric push mower like the rest of us schlubs. But when you take lawn care as seriously as Landon Dickerson apparently takes lawn care, dropping a few thousand on a zero-turn is an investment you make and you don't miss a single penny of it afterwards. 

Holy shit look at that lawn. You could eat dinner off of that lawn. He's not out there just cutting the grass on a Sunday afternoon with a few beers. This is a man who has a regiment. We're talking seeding, fertilization, spraying down pre-emergent, aeration. And then once all the prep work is over to get some of the most luscious Kentucky bluegrass you can get your feet on, he is going to town and striping his balls off. 

After seeing how serious Landon Dickerson is about lawn care, it makes me sick to my stomach that he had to play on the piece of shit field in Super Bowl LVII. How badly do you think he wanted to go out there and just take care of the field himself? Probably killed him inside to see what they did to that playing surface. But maybe after seeing his yard, the NFL will let Landon Dickerson go ahead and take over as the Field Director. He's making $84M now with the Eagles so maybe he'll take on that role for free. 

Go Birds.