The Epidemic Of Blog Juicing At Barstool
There's a phenomenon I see often at this company, and I can't take it anymore without complaining. Often when someone creates something big or funny or original, a blogger will write a lip-service blog about it for clicks. It's the final squeeze of a lemon that has already been pressed flat by an industrial juicer, just to get the very last drops (clicks) of value from the rind.
Case in point: we all saw Big Cat dupe Jerry last night with his feet.
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Hysterical moment. Truly one of the funniest things I've seen here in a long time. I could not believe that Big Cat, who is a large man, was able to make his feet look so feminine. Then he stays in the pocket to see the bit through and feigns indignation, walking away in women's sky blue tights like a sexy centaur out of the My Little Pony universe. Jerry incanting "oh my God" as though this mistake revealed a deeper, darker truth about himself (he's bisexual when it comes to feet). The way his voice cracks high when he says "they weren't even bad feet!" All of it came together magically. So magically, in fact, that you might think the video speaks for itself; it cannot be topped, needn't be analyzed, shouldn't be diluted by further coverage.
Not on your life. Not at this place. If a moment can take us a mile, let's beat the brakes off it and send it 'round the track again. Everyone pile on! Plenty of room to ride this gallant clydesdale all the way to the glue factory.
Enter Nicky Smokes at 11:28PM with a candidate for blog of the year:
82 words. Seven sentences. So many syntax, spelling, and grammatical errors in so few words that he must have written it from a candlepin bowling league where his pals were screaming "YOUR TURN NICK" as he typed it on his phone.
"Not only did my dawg judge his bosses feet, but told "Carlita" (Big Cat) that he wants to see "her" compete again. You can make this shit up, only at Barstool."
This? This is a blog? This blog was published at 12:28 ET, which makes me suspect that our editing team did not check it, which makes me think that Nicky Smokes has the power to publish his own blogs. I'll never be able to publish my own blogs because of that time I nearly bankrupted the entire company back in 2019, which is a justified protective measure. But learning that Nicky Smokes can publish the equivalent of a casual text message to the main page of this glorious website without so much as a quick spellcheck? (Editor's Note: Nicky Smokes cannot publish his own blogs)
Christ. KMarko is rolling over in his (extremely lavish private island) grave.
As I've said before, I like Nicky Smokes. He's put together some original blogs and with time, he might blossom into a fine young blogger. And in the interest of fairness, I'll spread this hate around to people who know I genuinely love them. For this click-chasing tactic happens every single week here.
Last week, Pat was the first one to get out a blog on the funniest moment from the Unnamed Show:
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45 words. Well done, Pat. Don't forget to stretch your forearms; carpal tunnel is the silent killer.
Nobody smells clicks better than Jack Mac. I promise that's not a shot—the man is a master of maximizing moments. He's our second biggest TikTok star after Bri and he's built his massive following doing exactly that. Here's a blog he put together which is collage/compilation of Barstool personalities #Klemming:
Amazing how long a blog will appear when you embed seven tweets and let them speak for themselves with almost no additional thoughts. Come on, Jack! I know you've got jokes, brother! Let it fly!
Here's Chaps' blog announcing that company treasure and fan favorite BEN MINTZ had been REHIRED at Barstool:
23 words. The entire blog:
"Personally, I love Brick Watches but I also love Ben Mintz? Match made in heaven? That's what people are saying. Go Pres Go"
This was one of the stories of the year. This blog was our company's announcement ON THE WEBSITE that Ben Mintz had been rehired. I love Chaps and over his many years with this company, he's been one of the finer writers we've had. So clearly, even our top dogs aren't immune to this strategy.
I once gave Nate a hard time for writing a quick blog like this about Dave emerging at the Alex Cooper live show. He told me that these blogs help to boost the good moments, bring them to more viewers, which feeds back positively for the company. All that is definitely true, and I backed off. I just can't help but wonder if we can't add a little more thought, humor, color, depth… opinion? These blogs are what black people say about white people's potato salad. There is no seasoning! No kick or zest. They won't come to our barbecues if we keep writing this way.
It is possible to ride the coattails of a viral Barstool moment WITH substance. I have no problem with us sucking our own dicks as long as we suck them with vigor, eye-contact, and to completion. Look at this John Rich blog:
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He's doing exactly what so many did last week and following up on the dominant Klemmer story. Except you'll notice that he's provided a full rundown of the story, as well as a few jokes to keep the blog from being a completely dry sparknotes of the event. Well done, John! An extra ration of our finest mealworms for the lad. Or whatever he eats.
I blame the blog rankings that we get every week. It's so tough not to chase clicks when you spend hours writing a meaningful blog and learn that it only got 1/10th of the reads of some two-paragraph eulogy for an OnlyFans mom who got fired from her librarian job and now owns fifteen Taco Bells.
But there was a time when original blogs were king at this place. I remember reading Big Cat's pirate quest blog years before I worked here and thinking… I want to write like that. KFC used to fire these off on a daily basis. Any of PFT's MMBMs. KB's Craigslist blogs. Jerry Thornton's coverage of the Patriots over the years. Large's 9/11 blog. A lot of Dante's work. Chaps' blog about his stepmother. Nate's blog about being bald and fat. Kelly's blog about the Mean Girls! Fearless, full of opinion, personal, satirical, reworked and reconsidered and punched up to their final draft.
I know that not everyone is capable of doing that. And I know these Barstool blogs are an important resource for the company. But I also believe that many of our writers have more originality, more quality in them than they think.
Let's dare to be great, team. Next time Big Cat dupes Jerry into thinking his feet belong to a woman, let's push ourselves for 100 words.