Welder10211! writes: "Yo Vindog! Never been married... Purchasing a ring seems daunting... Any do’s/dont’s?"

On February 13th,  Welder10211! Writes: "Yo Vindog! Never been married… Purchasing a ring seems daunting… Any do’s/dont’s?"

I know guys today are under a lot of pressure with all the rules regarding engagement rings creating unrealistic expectations. At one time, to prove his love for his lady, a guy was supposed to spend a month's salary, which for some was a lot to ask. Now, the ante has been upped to three months' salary. If you make a grand a week, you're responsible for a $12,000 engagement ring. Wow, that's a lot of mula! 

The Knot's 2023 Jewelry and Engagement Study determined the average cost of an engagement ring in the US is $5,500, or about one carat…

According to the wedding registry The Knot, it was all started by a De Beers Jewellers marketing campaign in the 1930s that convinced the world that diamonds were the ultimate symbol of love and that a diamond engagement ring's cost was directly proportional to salary. Originally, they set the amount to one month’s salary but doubled it to two months in the '80s… More recently, the amount has been increased to three month’s salary… 

Three months’ salary is very different for most guys. If you make $100,000 a year, you’re supposed to spend $25,000. If you make $200,000, the ring should be worth $50,0000. Millionaires should spend no less than $250,000 on the rock. It's all marketing bullshit to me and a big money grab for the greedy diamond industry… 

I was married in 1979, and I had only one rule: make my bride-to-be happy. She knew I didn't have a lot of money. I was in my junior year at Northeastern, living in a studio apartment in Boston and bartending nights at Father's Fore in Cambridge, when we started the discussion. 

The one and only valuable thing I owned at the time, was a 1971 Plymouth Barracuda that we only used occasionally. While I lived in Boston, I parked it at her parents' house in Sharon, next to the screen porch under the pine trees on the side of their small Cape-style house. We agreed I could sell the car and use a portion of the money to buy an engagement ring, one we'd get a good deal on at the Jeweler's Building.

My Cuda was not a legit muscle car. It was a mild-mannered 318 automatic with a black vinyl top and stock hubcaps, but it had great sentimental value to me…

Richard FRIEMAN-PHELPS. Getty Images.

When my wife was in her freshman year of college in 1977, I was sure she was the best-looking girl in Boston. Since I hadn't decided to go back to school yet and was selling shoes at Filene's in Braintree and living in a one-bedroom in-law apartment in Sharon, I knew she could do a lot better than me. And I also knew there would be a bunch of rich college guys throwing themselves at her feet. (She was fucking gorgeous!)

At first, we had rules that kept us from going out and having fun with our friends. We were suffocating each other, and the relationship was suffering. She was living in a dorm in an all-girls school in Boston, and her roommates all went out and got drunk at local bars, bars I used to hang out at before I met her. I just knew some fancy pants with an unlimited amount of family money would try and impress her and steal her away. Yup, I'm a green-eyed monster, and her newfound freedom wasn't sitting well with me…

When our phone calls started getting shorter and less than inspiring, I figured it was only a matter of time before she broke it off. What attractive young woman in her right mind going to college and living in Boston wanted to be tied down to a broke shoe salesman? 

I figured my destiny was ending up like Al Bundy and marrying a girl like Peg…

We set up a weekend together so we could sort things out. I picked her up at her dorm in Boston on a Friday night. During the first part of the ride on the Jamaica Way, we were uncomfortably quiet. Then, about a half mile before we got on the VFW Parkway, just before the Faulkner Hospital, smack in front of what's now a baseball field for the Italian Home for Children, my driver's side rear tire suddenly blew, the loud pop surprising both of us. I immediately pulled over. She got out and stood on the sidewalk and watched. When I said it was flat, and I had to change it, suddenly she became very concerned about my safety. It was dark, and the road was busy…

While I changed the tire, she kept a lookout and told me when a vehicle was approaching. She handed me the lug nuts I set on the curb inside the hub cap and the rag I had to wipe my hands. I knew then that she still cared about me, and I finished changing that tire with a big smile. The rest of the way home, we talked nonstop, like we always did. That flat tire was exactly what our relationship needed. We were back!

A year later (1979), I sold my Cuda to a friend for $600. We budgeted $300 for an engagement ring. We went to the Jeweler's Building together and found a ring she liked. It was a quarter carat, small by today's standards, but she loved it! It wasn't about the cost or the size to her; it was about what the ring represented. We've been married for 44 years!

My advice to you, Welder10211: Don't spend the farm on a ring! Talk about it and see what she wants. In the modern world, it's not uncommon for the bride-to-be and her groom to share the cost and shop for an engagement ring together, like my wife and I did in 1979. That way, there are no surprises, and you know it fits!

And with the money you save on a ring, put a down payment on a house and start your family! Practical girls are a lot like comfortable shoes!

*By law, if the wedding never happens and you've paid for the ring, you're entitled to it. If you split the cost, you're entitled to your portion of the ring when it's resold.

Just in case you missed the last one…