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I'm a dad, Richelle Ryan... Not a pimp.

My wife and I were in Tuscaloosa, AL again this weekend for a formal event with my son's fraternity.  The event was black tie and held at some ballroom an hour away, in Birmingham.  My wife and I were dressed to the nines, and my son was dressed equally as nattily and brought a beautiful young woman as his date.

Drinks were served, dances were danced, fun was had, and pictures were taken... And as with anything else in this world, as soon as a picture was taken, it was posted on some social media platform, including my own.  

The morning after the formal, I logged onto Instagram to see the reactions of family and friends to seeing me all gussied up with my crew, and alongside the numerous LIKES and comments from my small group of followers, I came across a DM from adult film star Richelle Ryan that read as such...

Oh, boy… Here we go.

For those not familiar, Richelle Ryan was born on July 11, 1985, in scenic Rochester, New York… Meaning she will be an incredibly sexy 38-years-young this July.  But she's a patriot who has a history of swimming in much younger pools…  

For more on Ryan's backstory, I consulted IMDB

The voluptuous, 5'4" brunette began her career in the adult entertainment industry first as an exotic dancer but was inspired to look further into a career in the erotic film business. She shot her first professional scene on her 21st birthday in 2006. Since then she has worked for Naughty America, BangBros, Brazzers, Reality Kings, Wicked Pictures, 3rd Degree, DDF Network, Hush Hush Entertainment, Team Skeet, New Sensations, West Coast Productions, and many more. 

A multiple-time award nominee, Richelle was nominated in 2016 by the AVN Awards for "Best Group Sex Scene" in Prince the Punisher (2015). The video was also nominated for the 2016 XBiz Awards for "Best Scene in a Gonzo Release". She was also nominated by the AVN Fan Awards in 2016 and in 2017 for "Most Epic Ass". In 2014 and 2015, Richelle won the Nightmoves Fan Awards for "Best Adult Film Star Feature Dancer". 

Outside of performing, Richelle trains five times a week, focusing on cardio, abs, and legs. Richelle also practices yoga. She enjoys watching gangster movies including Casino (1995) and A Bronx Tale (1993). As a sports fan, Richelle often watches the ESPN channel. She also enjoys watching Shark Tank (2009).

Outside of IMDB, I can tell you personally that Richelle Ryan is a wonderful person.  She's been up to our office multiple times and is EXTREMELY bubbly and gracious to the perverts I work with.  

She's gone for long walks with (the non-perverted) Frank the Tank…

Was a champion for those of you with little dicks (not me, of course) on the tragically perverted Out&About podcast

And in between all these appearances, Ryan has managed to oil up her body and accommodate HUNDREDS of cocks of all shapes, colors, and sizes on camera for money.  No "slut shaming" here… Sex work is real work.

Even more personally, Richelle and I follow each other on most social platforms, and sometimes we go back and forth in our DMs about our love/hate relationships with our French bulldogs.

That's Richelle.

.

For those not familiar with my son, he's a 19-year-old Sophomore at The University of Alabama who, similar to the way Richelle drained Ricky Spanish's balls dry in 2023's MILF Threesomes Part 2, so too is my son slowly draining my bank account dry with tuition and "incidentals."

That's my son.

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Now that you are caught up on the players in this scenario, I ask you a question:

What would you do if a porn star asked to date your son?

It's a very specific question… I am not asking- How you would react to your son dating a porn star?  This is much different.  

I am asking- How you would respond to the opportunity of facilitating your child meeting up with, and probably fucking, someone who has DEFINITELY been around the block?

And I say "definitely" in the sentence above with complete confidence because even though I was able to fake interest-in and competence-for my Wall Street career for over 25 years, I think it would be nearly impossible to fake your way through over 300 adult films without "knowing your way around a zipper."

By the way, the titles of those films include the not-so-subtle:

  • Make Me Creamy Part 3
  • Don't Waste It, Taste It
  • Face Fucking, Inc.
  • Who Needs a Soul Mate, Give Me a Hole Mate
  • Pussy Party 24: Assalicious
  • Monster Cock Fuckfest Part 7
  • Wanna Fuck My Daughter Gotta Fuck Me First Part 11
  • Black Kong Dong Part 13
  • Sperm Cocktail 
  • Fuck My Skull Part 3 
  • Keep 'Em Cummin' Part 2
  • Open for Jizzness  
  • Please Lick My Ass 
  • Attack of the Squirt Part 3 
  • Bangin' MILFs Part 3 
  • Mommy Blows Best
  • Dyked
  • and my favorite… There Will Be Cum
Giphy Images.

(In this case, "milkshake" is the code word for "semen.")

Somehow nobody has approached her to play a World War II infantry officer in desperate need of a Brazillian wax in Shaving Ryan's Privates, but I assume it's just a matter of time.

Giphy Images.

We're about 800 words into this blog… Have you decided yet on how you would react if you were in my shoes?

If you're the guy who immediately said, "Shit yeah!… I'd let my boy fuck the SHIT out of that legend!"… I can't blame you for having that knee-jerk reaction.  Even a perfect gentleman like me saw that her filmography included the title Wanna Fuck My Daughter Gotta Fuck Me First and had some dirty quid-pro-quo thoughts.  However, remembering the vow I made to my bride 25 years ago AND seeing she also starred in Monster Cock Fuckfest and Black Kong Dong brought me right back down to Earth.

But if you are the type of dad who knows what the negative downstream effects would be for your marriage, relationship with your kids, and reputation if any such date were to happen, you would've done what I did and immediately sent back to Richelle…

With all due respect to Miss Ryan… Not on my watch, woman.  

(And particularly "not on my watch" when my wife is manning a watchtower post right next to me… Know what I mean?)

Later that day, I told my son about the situation, and fully expected him to be upset, or at least intrigued.  Surprisingly, he was nonplussed by the whole thing.  Perhaps he didn't believe what I was saying.  Perhaps he is just happy with his personal life as is, and doesn't need to add a pornstar notch to his belt.  Or perhaps he feigned disinterest because he knew showing any emotion would prompt me to write a potentially embarrassing blog about this whole deal… Which I did anyway.

Regardless, my boy didn't walk away disappointed, Richelle no doubt happily moved on to suck the life out of her next young and unsuspecting "sex victim", and I retain my title as Father of the Year for just a little while longer.

No harm.  No foul.

Take a report.

-Large


FULL DISCLOSURE: Richelle and I joked about her DM afterward, and then she was nice enough to repost our back-and-forth on her story to her 4 million followers…

Therefore, she's a fucking gem with a great set of hooters great sense of humor.

TAR

-L