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Four In A Row: My First Class Delta Upgrade Streak Continues

We've hit four consecutive first-class upgrades. This is the most upgraded legs in a row in my tenure as a Delta man. For my money, there is no email that gets my juices flowing more excitedly than that Delta: "Francis, Your Upgraded Seat" email. Keep the coffin and bury me in a Delta One lie-flat seat, and simply carve that email subject as my epitaph. Maybe sprinkle some complimentary orange juice on my grave. 

Last weekend, it came down to the absolute wire. I was standing at the desk, watching the plane board, with a comfort plus seat. My name was a distant third on the upgrade list, and there was but one first class seat remaining. That flight to Houston is a classic shitty length: 3 hours 45 minutes. Not long enough for you to prepare mentally the way you might for a flight from NY to California, but just long enough to make you hot, antsy, and think hard about whether you need to use the bathroom even though you have a window seat and your bladder pain doesn't line up with the your row mates. 

I almost didn't ask the Delta agent. Why torture myself? THIRD with one seat left? Forget it, I'm toast. Except a small glimmer of hope (some might call it entitlement) led me to charmingly, quietly, undeservingly query as to my chances. She told me the two in front of me were a couple, and they might not want to split up. 

And just like that, I was back in the game. 

Williams, party of 2, arrived with their entire bloodline in tow. The most nuclear family you ever saw. A walking, snacking Christmas card at the airport. The second I saw them, I knew I'd be getting that seat. What, Dad or Mom is gonna leave the other with the two rugrats back in coach?! That's not the Williams family I know and love. Sure enough, they declined to split up and the throne was mine. 

On the way home, the one person ahead of me on list missed the flight outright, like a complete degenerate. And this weekend, I'm flying to Milwaukee (Madison) and I've been upgraded already, both ways! That's four legs in a row people. When it rains, it pours. 

Now, the wood mice are crawling out of the rotting foundation and chirping their nonsense— don't you have enough money to buy a first class ticket anyway? 

That's like asking a kleptomaniac why they stole a Kind bar from Whole Foods when they can certainly afford to pay for it. It's about the thrill! To them, it's the act of getting away with it that makes the snack that much more delicious. To me, that first class seat is that much more comfortable, the muesli bowl that much more tasty, when I know I'm enjoying the perks at a coach pricetag. When many of the high-brow suckers around me in first class paid full price for their privilege and I'm up there at a discount. That's priceless. 

As soon as you're too rich to enjoy a free upgrade, money is meaningless to you. I've got some tough flights coming up—busy routes to cities where wealthy businessmen often travel, their companies shelling out piles of dough for them to fly first class. Let's see if we can't push this streak to 10 in a row.