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Shannon Sharpe Looks Stunning in His Olive Colored Outfit and Bright Orange Gentlemen's Bag

I regret to inform you that people are calling Shannon Sharpe gay on the internet. I want to make it clear that I am not among those people. I'm merely relaying this information to you the reader. I would never call somebody gay unless they had publicly declared it themselves. And if I did, it certainly wouldn't be an insult. Unless of course it was one of my friends who did something gay. But instead of making fun of Shannon Sharpe like the rest of the internet, I'm going to gas him up a bit.

Shannon, I think you look terrific. No notes. Your muscles are popping in all the right places. As if underneath your correctly sized shirt you're wearing a muscle suit that came with a Super Man costume you purchased at Party City.

Not everybody can pull off the "exact same color head-to-toe" look, but you my friend are nailing it. This was the perfect color choice. The key to pulling off one of these outfits is to choose a color not too far from your skin tone, so when someone sees you from a distance they have that brief moment of, "Wait is that guy naked?.. Oh, never mind."

Your skintight dark olivefit pairs perfectly with your traffic cone orange shoulder bag. Real fashionistos like ourselves know you're not carrying a purse. It's nothing more than a gentleman's bag. Perfect for occasions such as going to work, a night on the town, or hopping out the back of a Cadillac and shooting double finger guns at the camera before entering the busiest liquor store since the day prohibition was repealed. 

Not that you need someone like me to gas you up. I'm sure you're taking the criticism in wide wobbly stride. Which by the way is a result of multiple hip & knee surgeries and a 14-year Hall of Fame NFL career, and nothing more. Just know when people are parodying your videos mere hours after dropping, that means you're doing something right.

That's what you're supposed to tell yourself at least.