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Dumping Them Out: Dune 2

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. I'm believe I've done around 80 of these since I started. This truly might be my best contribution to Barstool. Which means there's a real possibility that when my contract is up, I'm going to sit down with Dave Portnoy and he'll ask me, "So what have you done for Barstool?", and I'll look him dead in the eyes and say, "I post Boob GIFs every Sunday." I'm sure that'll be worth at least a 3-year extension. 

I saw Dune for the first time on Friday night, then went to Dune 2 yesterday. I loved everything about both movies. But the best part by far was their decision to cast Christopher Walken to play the Emperor. I highly doubt this is what the producers were going for, but it provided me with some excellent comedic relief in a movie that was not meant to be funny in the least. I got a good laugh every time they cut from some stunning desert action scene to an 80 year old Christopher Walken sitting mouth open at his big Emperor's table. The first time they show him you're like, "Holy shit it's Christopher Walken I wonder if he's going to sound like Christopher Walken"… and boy does he ever. And yes I spent over $30 for the Dune 2 popcorn bucket just so I could take a picture and be a part of the internet joke. I wonder if I can expense that. 

Speed Ranking of Least Favorite Characters

1. Detective Benson - Law & Order

I try to work in my disdain for Detective Benson somewhere in a blog at least twice per year. Her and Ice T have certainly done a lot of good to prevent and solve fictional sex crimes in New York City. I can't deny that. But she's also been responsible for multiple deaths, and has ruined peoples lives by making assumptions about cases that stem from her own personal history. I don't have any specific examples of this. I haven't watched Law & Order in several years. But I remember when I was binge-watching the show I used to think, "Are they really just going to let this girl keep fucking up every third episode?" 

2. Andy Bernard - The Office (Season 9+)

I've never seen the writers of a television show sabotage a character like they did with Andy Bernard. He went from maybe a top 3 funniest character to the most person on the show. I don't even dislike the later seasons of The Office as much as most people, but I couldn't stand Andy at the end. Just an incredible waste of Ed Helms talent.

3. Ervin Burrell - The Wire 

He's everything that's wrong with the fake Baltimore Police. Only looks out for himself and his own advancement. Actively makes the police's job more difficult. Does the bidding of politicians. Eats shit every day. 

4. Sheldon - Young Sheldon

Never seen a second of the show in my life.

5. Woman Who Goes to My Bodega - Real Life

This person is actually real, but I just got back from the bodega and she deserves to make the list. This gross, old, extremely rude woman seems to do all of her grocery shopping there. Today was the second time I've been there and had this exact same thing happen. In both instances she's been at the front of the line with 20-30 items. She has the cashier ring everything up, but when she goes to pay she doesn't have enough money on her EBT card. She proceeds to insist that she does in fact have enough money, and the cashier is like, "No bitch this isn't up for debate, you literally don't." Then she moves on to insisting that her items are actually cheaper than the cashier says they are. That doesn't work for her either. She then individually picks up items to ask how much they cost, but she can't do any math either, so she'll just take away a bag of Doritos and say "Ok what am I at now?" This poor cashier has to do all this basic math for her. It's been a full 10-minute ordeal both times. Maybe even longer. I don't even know how the situation ended today. The line was so long behind her that I just left and went to the next closest store. I really don't like that woman