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Texas WR Xavier Worthy Breaks The NFL Combine 40 Record And Is Drafted By The Raiders

I know, I know. The Raiders didn’t actually submit their card to Roger Goodell with Xavier Worthy’a name on it  But if Antonio Pierce is as serious about bringing back the spirit of the Raiders as he always says he is, Pierce will make sure they get the fastest guy in the draft, then light a cigar using the Al Davis torch (which needs to be changed to real fire instead of lights, Vegas fire code be damned), then go back to figuring out how his defense can legally murder Patrick Mahomes.

As for Worthy, he has to be the biggest winner at the Combine, right? I’m sure some other guys moved up the board based on what they did in their underwear or how they answered some weird ass questions in a Marriott hotel room. But in terms of imaginary internet points, Worthy is the guy since the biggest names in the NFL are tweeting about him, casual idiot college football fans like myself now know his name, and we got this sick ass overlay that will be referenced every combine until some freak of nature runs a 4.20 (please no drug jokes, this is a family website).

Also I understand why they run the unofficial numbers on TV for the sickos like Steven Cheah watching every second of the Combine. But the 40 record being broken after an official correction kinda killed the mood. Maybe the fastest guys of the Combine shouldn’t have their times revealed until it’s official and then it’s thrown on the big screen like a Family Feud answer where we see if it cracked the Top 10 all-time.

Not sure how this would actually play in real life but I think we can all agree that every college football player making a grilled cheese is a Must Add for next year.

As for biggest loser, clearly it’s John Ross. Out of the league at 27, his last chance with the Chiefs ended when he retired on their roster this summer despite KC being “Maybe we should sign John Ross” levels of desperate for wide receivers, and he just lost the only thing NFL fans will remember him for by a literal nose.